Friday, September 21st and Saturday, September 22nd (Brought to you by the Letter “B”)

This weekend’s performances were brought to you by the letter “B”.  From Bacon, Boatswains, Birthdays, Babies, Bono, Bachelorettes, and Breakfast pastries (plus various other “B’s” thrown in for good measure), it was the BIG BITE out of the BIT Players BOOK of “B”.

Friday night’s show hosted by Frank Fusaro, alongside fellow Bits, Lobo Linhares, Brittany Hunt, Neal Leaheey, Stephanie Conrad, and Jim Foley had an air of experimentation and fun with this group of players who are seldom cast together.

The Bit Players perform "Story, Story, Die!"

In Friday’s first bit, “Story, Story, Die!”, the audience was also up for the unusual with their suggestion of a title of a story that has never been told.  Played by the entire cast, and directed by Jim, the story, “Tales of Fatness” saw the main character Emanuel coming to terms with truth of his weight issues.  After staring at his large image in the mirror Emanuel decides to sign up for Pilates class.  Soon afterward Emanuel tries to expand his fitness repertoire and begins working out with weights until he drops a dumbbell on a woman.  After apologizing profusely, the woman agrees to go out to dinner with Emanuel.  While Emanuel sticks to his low calorie regimen with a salad, his date devours chocolate cake in front of Emanuel.  Emanuel finds himself, not only hungry, but also aroused by this woman’s gluttony and proceeds to swallow his date whole.

Frank, Neal, and Stephanie in "Good Cop / Bad Cop"

Again, up to the challenge of providing imaginative suggestions, the audience kept their creative juices flowing for “Good Cop / Bad Cop” with the crime of killing Marge Simpson, with BACON, in The Cave of Wonders (from Disney’s Aladdin).  In this bit, the perpetrator, played by Neal must confess (guess) to his crime, guided by clues from our cops played by Frank and Stephanie.  The crowd delighted in watching Neal squirm under the interrogation.  Deftly acknowledging the first two items, Neal struggled with the location of the crime as Stephanie and Frank inundated Neal with countless Disney references, until the site was prized from the web of clues.

The Bit Players in "Half Life"

Jim and Stephanie in "Half Life"

“Half Life” a bit that has not been played by the players in a long while was resurrected from the Bit Player attic toy chest.  In this bit, the players have to reenact a fairy tale, initially telling the story in one minute timed by the host, Frank.  The tale is then retold in half that time, 30 seconds, then 15 seconds, then 5 seconds, and finally 1 second.  The audience provided Snow White as the tale, and laughed along with the frenetic pace of the scenes , but especially with Jim (Prince Charming) who got to dive on top of the “hot girl”, Stephanie (Snow White) to end the game.

Lobo, Jim, Frank, and Brittany in
"Irish Drinking Song"

Audience member, Adrienne a sailor, but more specifically, a BOATSWAIN (Bos’n) took a little good natured ribbing from the Bit Players as he freely admitted to watching after his friend Henry’s Mast as a description of what a Bos’n does.  Adrienne and his friend Henry became the inspiration behind the next bit, “Irish Drinking Song” performed by Lobo, Jim, Frank, and Brittany.

Another bit dusted off from its attic confines, “Improv Line” was a game happily received by the crowd. In this bit, the players must follow the rules of the host in this improv gauntlet.  Those players failing to play by the rules are buzzed out to the back of the line and replaced by another player.  The first rule the players endured was creating a scene where they could not speak any word with the letter “C”, followed by no letter “E”.  One by one the players faltered and were sent packing. In the next rounds the rules changed to;  “Speaking only in questions”, followed by “Speaking in Song Titles”, then “doing an impression of a famous person”, then finally, “Each sentence beginning with the letter “W”.

Jim and Neal (50's style duet), Brittany(Heavy Metal), Stephanie (Pop), and Frank (Rap) in "Telethon"

Ending the first set on Friday was the bit “Telethon”.  In this bit about a fictitious telethon for an audience suggested cause, the players get a genre of music in which they will sing fro the cause.  In this Telethon for Childhood Actors hosted by Lobo, we saw a 50’s/Little Richard style duet by Neal and Jim all about Alfonso Ribeiro (Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air), with Jim and Neal even doing the “Carlton Dance”.  Brittany was endowed with Heavy Metal in which she sang(?) a song all about Lindsay Lohan.  Stephanie was given “Crappy Pop” as her genre of music where she sang(ala Adele) about killing Corey Feldman.  Finally it was Frank up with his Rap style intonation about Sean Astin, (aka Samwise Gamgee of LOTR and Mikey of Goonies fame), rapping out “Goonies Don’t Die!”

Jim, with The Bit Players, "Serenade" Birthday Girl, Amy

In the second set, BIRTHDAY girl, Amy was “Serenaded” by the Bits.  Amy a 3^rd grade teacher from Westerly, celebrating her special day, acknowledged her boyfriend, Jay from Johnston, also a teacher of Health and a marriage counselor. All of this information about the couple, supplied the Bits with lots of good fodder for an improvised song all about them.

Friday night concluded with a “BLUES Song” all about having a BABY.  Brittany made the crowd squirm (even the men in the audience) with her verse about the enlargement her perineum. Owwwwwwwccccchh!



The Bit Players sing "The Blues"



Saturday night saw not only new players with Dylan Eberle, Stephanie Conrad, John Mulligan, Clayon McFarlane, and hosted by Vlad Tenenbaum, but it had an amped up energy with all of the celebrations going on.



John, Vlad, Clayon, and Stephanie
in "Slideshow"



After the posse of late bachelorettes seated themselves, Dylan took them all on a wacky trip to Antarctica in “Slide Show”  In this bit, Dylan narrates his slides, portrayed by the posing of his fellow players, where he must justify their positions in the context of his story.  As Dylan took us through the environs of this cold, desolate place on an electronic Snow Elephant we meet the first of the hobos (that will appear throughout the show).  These Arctic hobos teach Dylan how to identify what is edible and adopt him into their incestuous family of hobos.

Dylan, Clayon, and Stephanie in
"Good Cop / Bad Cop"

In Saturday night’s take on “Good Cop / Bad Cop”, Dylan and Stephanie take on the role as cops, and persuade Clayon, the crime’s architect, to confess to killing BONO (lead singer of U2), with a BREAKFAST Toaster Strudel, in an elevator.

“Doo Run” a musical bit, was up next in the lineup.  Grant, a Customer Service Rep for a Golfing Company was given up by his friends to be the topic of an improvised song sung about him. Although he initially was not happy with his friends for being the guinea pig of the group, he enjoyed his moment of fame lived out through the Bit Players version of his life.

John, with the Bit Players, "Serenade" Birthday Girl, Mary

Celebrating her 50^th BIRTHDAY with the Bit Players, Mary was showcased with a “Serenade” song.  Mary a nurse, partying alongside her girlfriends from New York was living it up in high style without her husband and four kids, and having the time of her life.  Mary was not only honored in song by the Bit Players, she was also honored with a movie made by our in-house Firehouse Theater graphic s artist from pictures secretly sent to the theater beforehand, by her friends.

“Bartender” finished the first set on Saturday.  With Stephanie and Vlad as the bar’s proprietors, they are responsible for providing advice to their patrons who frequent their bar and have unique problems which they disclose through an improvised song.  The audience provided John with “a long wait” which he adapted to his musical tale of getting his new iPhone and eating it, lamenting that he thought it was an Apple.  Vlad melodically instructed John to call his iPhone lodged in his abdomen repeatedly until the vibrations caused it to become expelled.  Clayon, given “hobo’s” as his topic sang about not wanting the hobos to loiter and beg for money. Although not morally sound advice, Stephanie, answered Clayon’s dilemma by telling Clayon to just kill them!  Finally Dylan, dealing with sexual harassment at work, as an intern with the company, was perplexed with how to stop his coworker from these unwanted acts. Again, Stephanie provided Dylan with a solution to introduce his coworker to a hobo.

Dylan, John, and Stephanie in "Moondoggie"

In the second set , it was Dylan, John, and Stephanie who provided the single voice as the “Moondoggie” with Vlad as the host.  In this bit the audience provided cooking as the topic of expertise.  Vlad interviewed our expert,  Dr. Simone, from France.  Simone admitted that when he was a young lad, he found some limburger cheese on the sidewalk and made a sandwich.  On Simone’s next outing, he found a BROKEN BOTTLE and stabbed a BANKER and took over his shop.  Afterwards, Simone made BREAD out of the BANKER’s BODY, and became famous.  When asked by the audience what his favorite dish was to cook, Simone replied creepily, “What are you doing later?”  When asked by another audience member what was his favorite color, Simone, simply replied, “Dead!”

Stephanie, Clayon, Dylan, and John
in "Irish Drinking Song"

BACHELORETTE, Kara was highlighted in the next bit of the night, “Irish Drinking Song”.  Kara, a manager of a company, was enjoying her night out with her gal-pals in celebration of her upcoming nuptials (in two weeks) to her partner, Sarah, in Sturbridge, MA. The Bit Players composed an improvised song about this no-nonsense, company CEO/Hitman (aka BILL Collector) who had a penchant for beating down men who don’t pay their BILLS!

John and Dylan perform "Tap The Audience"
with Jenna and her Maid of Honor

More celebrations were in order as BACHELORETTE, Jenna and her Maid of honor were called to the stage to play alongside Clayon and Dylan in “Tap The Audience”.  In this bit when the players need words to complete their dialog, Jenna and her MoH were “tapped” to provide that dialog.  In this scene, Dylan and Clayon were Mall Security, with Clayon having anger management issues, and Dylan was tasked with trying to help his partner deal with his problem.  The scene ended with Clayon, again eating more BREAKFAST, toaster strudel.

Dylan, Stephanie, and Vlad
in "Visual Interpreter"

Because the Bit Players were flying through their set list, “Visual Interpreter” was added to the mix.  With Stephanie as the interviewer, and Dylan as the expert, Vlad “interpreted” their dialog, (not necessarily for the hearing impaired) in a way only Vlad can.  Provided with “Taking Care of BABIES”, Dylan(aka Jean Claude Van Der Castle) leant his narrative skills to being the expert on this topic, in this disturbing yet hilarious tale of being a nanny.

The Bit Players receive a standing ovation
after Saturday night's performance

Ending the night with “BLUES Song” the Bit Players each added their verse to this bluesie song, with a chorus of “I’ve got the low-down, dirty Honeymoon Blues” in which the audience clapped and sang along with gusto.  The crowd on-hand rewarded the Bit Players with a standing ovation in appreciation of their entertaining efforts….  BRAVO, BIT Players,…. BRAVO!!!!

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Friday, September 14th and Saturday, September 15th (Beauties and the Beast)

Jam-packed with bachelorettes and one grizzly, old beastie, it was a tale as old as time, or more fittingly, the lyrics of the third stanza in that song, bitter sweet and strange, were words that summarized the bizarre thread that wove its way throughout this weekend’s Bit Player’s shows. 

The Bit Players perform "Story Styles"

In Friday’s first bit, “Story Styles”, each player took on a unique style in which to tell a collective story.  Hosted by Vlad Tenenbaum, all of the Bit Players were subject to Vlad’s finger pointing in their direction.  Frank Fusaro was given “Oprah”.   Stephanie Conrad was under the guidance of the Obituary Section of the newspaper.  Jim Foley went with Nobel laureate author, William Faulkner  Neal Leaheey  verbalized in the style of “I Dream of Jeanie” and Dylan Eberle composed in the style of a Soap Opera.  As all of our players imparted their form in the “Adventures of Heather Rose and her Ballpoint Pen in Prison” we learned how Heather Rose pined for her long lost love, Quentin  as she wrote to him from the confines of her cell.  Quentin appeared before her… but was it really?  Noooooo!  It was her evil twin sister revealing herself from beneath a mask.  We are all left with the burning question, will Heather Rose ever find love again with Quentin?  Or like in Belle’s book, will she discover her Prince Charming in chapter three?

Neal, Jim, Dylan and Frank in
"Irish Drinking Song"

“Irish Drinking Song” inspired the drunks of the audience (especially those in Bubba’s Balcony, in back).  With Neal, Jim, Dylan and Frank all adding their verse to the lyrics, watch (click the link here -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J7VjI-rruQ&feature=plcp ) to see what befalls poor Shannon, the hairdresser, as she falls off the wagon and succumbs to her eating disorder.  Quick, someone hide the baguettes!

Neal asks Steph and Jim
for advice in "Bartender"

Vlad sings to Steph and Jim
about his problem in "Bartender"

Dylan croons to his "Bartenders"
Stephanie and Jim

Finishing up the 1^st set on Friday, The Bit Player’s performed their signature piece, “Bartender”. In this bit, Jim and Stephanie, from behind the bar, provided advice to their patrons to each of their dilemmas.   Their patrons:  Neal, was given the problem of a paper jam.   Vlad was furnished with having perpetual daytime, Dylan was bestowed with his in-laws coming to town, and lastly Frank was assigned, not enough sexual positions.

Frank listens to advice from Stephanie
in "Bartender"



Maria is "Serenaded" by The Bit Players



The second set brought beautiful bachelorette, Maria from the Ukraine to the stage to be “Serenaded” by the Bits.  Maria an IT Project Manager, admitted to meeting her fiancé, Jake through Match.com while living in Brooklyn and he in Boston. Maria made some of the Bits a little nervous with her description of her beau, a sniper in the Marine Corps.  But that wasn’t enough to put off the likes of Vlad who crooned of just “how glad….. that he was on stage with a fellow Russian, comrade”

Keeping up the love in the air, the next to be performed was, “The Dating Game”.   In this bit, Stephanie, the dater had to guess the idiosyncrasies of the eligible bachelors, Dylan who was reliving the Salem Witch Trials, Vlad, who had no pinky-toes, and Neal was strong like He-Man.

 Jim (with Bibba) in
"Tap the Audience"



As in all good Disney love stories, there must be a evil protagonist, ogre, or beast and on this night, this was no exception.  Brian (Bubba) who was celebrating his 50^th Birthday with his party-bus entourage at the back of the theater, was called to the stage to participate in “Tap The Audience” with Frank and Jim.  In this bit about anesthesiologists, when Bubba supplied “smokin a stogie” to Jim as dialog for the scene, the rowdy bunch in the balcony cheered, knowing this was typical Bubba style.



Stpehanie sings "The Blues"



Friday night’s performance concluded with a Blues Song entitled,  “Being Pulled Over Blues”.  Each of the players added their own bluesy-ness to the song.  Stephanie turned the tables, being the only female, she sang about using what her Mama gave her and got out of her ticket by lifting up her shirt.  Jim was done dating female cops because his lady friend kept reminding him about just “how fast he was going.”  Neal gained favor with the balcony gang by lamenting how a cop would dare pull over the party bus.  Vlad was still looking for another Russian woman named Natasha… (Since he couldn’t have the beautiful, Maria)  Dylan spoke the truth about the worst kind of fuzz on Jamestown. And finally, Frank, being Frank had to show just how bright were his party-pants.

Joining Frank, Vlad, Dylan, and Jim on stage Saturday night were Clayon McFarlane and John Mulligan to add to the wackiness.







Dylan, Clayon and Frank in "Good Cop / Bad Cop"



In “Good Cop / Bad Cop” Clayon played the perpetrator of a crime to which he needed to guess (confess) guided by our cops, Dylan and Frank.  To Frank’s delight, the audience provided the suggestions that Clayon killed Dave Coulier (Joey Gladstone of Full House) with a catheter, in the Oval Office.  The audience was not only amused that Clayon not only did not know the name of the victim, but he could not say the word catheter… (calf- elater)



Dylan, Jim, Frank, and John
perform "Irish Drinking Song" for Jess



Bachelorette Jess, a college admissions counselor due to marry insurance adjuster, Dave was the topic of an “Irish Drinking Song” sung all about them.  Amusingly, the song ended with Jess meeting up with an old flame, and it was Dave who beat him down.

John and Vlad in "Stunt Doubles"

“Stunt Doubles” had the audience roaring with the antics of Vlad and John who performed all of the actions that Frank and Jim as actors did not want to perform.  Watch this crazy scene as Nurse Frank deals with his patient, Mr. Jefferson (played by Jim) Click on the link ->  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXh5WoC-ZNc&feature=plcp

The Bit Players in "Doo Wop"



Music and love continued on Saturday in a bit called “Doo Wop” about a Snuggie, where each player professed their love for the item.  Jim loved his Snuggie so much that he would only take it off to go pee.  Frank was angered by his wife for letting her sister borrow his Snuggie, because his sister-in-law never gives anything back.  Ever the practical one, Dylan although missing his Snuggie, simply turned up the thermostat.

The Bit Players "Serenade" Grace

In the second set, bachelorette Grace was “Serenaded” by the Bit Players.  Grace an occupational therapist by trade was set to marry electronics engineer, Mike four years her junior.  The couple met through Mike’s sister-in-law, Sarah.  All of this was fodder for an improvised song made up by the players, all about them.

The Bit Players perform "Rock Song"



Finishing off the night was “Rock Song” sung in honor of the last bachelorette, beauty of the night, Nicole, a nursing assistant and her fiancé  Russ who worked in the hospital lab.

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!



Friday, September 7th and Saturday September 8th 2012 (Giving birth and Goodbyes)

What do giving birth and saying goodbye have in common?  If you answered something to the affect that one marks a beginning and the other an ending, you are on the right track. Now add the Bit Players into the mix and the answer gets a little squirrely.

This past weekend at the Firehouse Theater the audience got their fill of both as The Bit Players bid a fond farewell to two of their own:  Matt Lindman, who is heading back to school in New York, and Anna Smith who is headed back to her sojourn in France. But fear not fans, they will be returning as time permits during holidays and back again next summer.  So it is not a forever farewell, just a brief “So long” (and thanks for all the fish)…

On Friday, try as they might to NOT go there, The Bit Players kept coming back to scenes about birthing and pregnancy which became a common theme throughout the night.

The Bit Players in "Story Styles"

To start off Friday’s show, the bit “Story Styles”, a game where each player takes on a unique style in which they tell a collective story, was hosted by (Vlad Tenenbaum).  Frank Fusaro was given “Dear Abby”.  Dylan Eberle had to tell the tale in “Comic Book” fashion.  Brittany Hunt took on “Honey Boo-Boo”. Stephanie Conrad spun her yarn in the style of Disney’s “Aladdin”.  John Mulligan went with the author R L Stein, and Matt Lindman accepted the style of the musical, “Grease” in this story all about “Neal and his Calendar in Brooklyn”.

Matt, John and Dylan in
"Shakspeare Alphabet"



In “Shakespeare Alphabet” the rules in this Shakespearean scene are that the actors (Matt and John) must speak their dialog beginning with consecutive letters f the alpha bet.  With the theme of gambling and set in a contemporary “Cumberland Farms”,  we watch as the story evolves into bizarre transactions with Dylan joining the duo as the store clerk.



Dylan and Matt in "Stunt Doubles"



“Irish Drinking Song” was up next with Dylan, Brittany, Frank and Matt performing an improvised song all about Abraham the midwife.  “Stunt Doubles” followed, and saw more birthing references as the actors Dylan and Matt call for their stunt double replacements, John and Vlad.  The first call for the stunt doubles had Vlad and John pinching off an aorta.  The next call found the two making (spiked) coffee.  Then, a little delusional, Dylan wants to eat Matt’s head, which from Dylan’s perspective resembles a salad head.  The stunt doubles are again called to perform this action.  The scene ends with Dylan being “birthed” from Matt.

John with Dylan and Stephanie
in "Bartender"

Matt with Dylan and Stephanie
in "Bartender"

Frank with Dylan and Stephanie
in "Bartender"

Finishing up the 1^st set was The Bit Player’s signature bit Bartender. In this bit Stephanie and Dylan were behind the bar listening to their patrons sing them their problems.  Being compassionate bartenders, Dylan and Stephanie offered advice in the form of song back to their quandary-laden patrons.  John was given debt as his problem, followed by Matt, with his teen pregnancy. Rounding out the trio was Frank as a Wal-Mart Greeter and his advice from Dylan on how to keep people out of Wal-Mart. With all that said and done, there are two questions that remain, however; Will Matt retain his impressive set of breasts? …And… Was Stephanie really copping a feel?)

Frank and Dylan with Matt and Vlad
in "Sportscasters"

In the second set, Dylan and Frank hosted “Sportscasters” and the Laundry Bowl 2012.  In this bit, Matt (aka Sylvester Tony-  shortened to JUST Tony after Frank glared at Dylan who disregarded Frank’s lisp) and Vlad (aka Derrick) competed in this Olympic-style event. As the competitors entered the ring, Tony was seen to be sniffing his Gain detergent.  Derrick on the other hand was getting completely naked which prompted some commentary from our sportscasters on how biblical was Derrick’s appearance, having Jesus’ washboard abs.  as the games proceeded although sidetracked by having his nipples ripped off by Toney,  it was Derrick who was the victor!

The Bit Players perform "Mini-Musical"

“Mini- Musical had the crowds cheering as fellow college roommates, Dylan, John, and Matt looked for an answer to their predicament to their waterbed dilemma.  Over at the Sorority house, Stephanie and Brittany had their answer to their waterbed dreams, but not without some costly consequences.  Our young collegian, Matt must put a “ring on it” before he could land in fair, Brittany’s bed.

On Saturday, and a full house at the Firehouse Theater, the Bit Players had lots to live up to.  Having said goodbye to Matt the night before, and the girls taking a breather, Frank, Vlad, and Dylan were joined by Jim Foley, Clayon McFarlane, and Tim Bric.

Tim with Frank and Dylan
in "Good Cop / Bad Cop"



Tim cut his teeth quickly in the night’s lineup by taking on the perpetrator in “Good Cop / Bad Cop” with Frank and Dylan as the cops.  Our cops armed with the audience suggestions, coaxed Tim into confessing to the crime of killing Elmo, with a mirror (our apologies to the girl with the accent who provided the mirror suggestion) at Wrigley Field.



The Bit Players perform "Doo Wop"



The musical game, “Doo Wop” amused the audience as the entire cast sing about the suggested topic, which, on this night, was a “retainer”.  Each player, in turn, confesses their affection for this object, until the tables are turned and the object is destroyed.  Dylan brought the song to its inevitable conclusion, replacing the retainer with “The British Healthcare System”.

In “Jeopardy” the entire cast act as contestants akin to the hit TV Game show, answering in the form of a question, with the audience acting as the “board”.  Hosted by Frank, the game was clearly won by upstart Jim with his answer to Matrix: “What is a Cereal made for kids, but NOT for the rabbit!”

The Bit Players "Serenade" Bachelorette, Jackie

Jackie, a Bachelorette celebrating with her girls who took a bit of ribbing from Frank and the audience for being late to the show, was called up to the stage to be “Serenaded” by the Bit Players.  A good sport, Jackie, we learned is a waitress, marrying her beau, Ari, the restaurant owner.  The couple hails from Thompson, CT where they will be married on October 27^th. 

"The Dating Game" performed by
Frank, Dylan, and Jim with Clayon
and hosted by Tim

Appropriately, “The Dating Game” was up next hosted by Tim, with Clayon as the dater.  In this bit the eligible bachelors, played by Jim, Dylan, and Frank are given unique idiosyncrasies which are revealed by answering the questions posed by our dater. In this game Jim thought he was Liam Neeson, Dylan was reliving the crucifixion of Jesus, and Frank was stuck in the movie “Home Alone”.  In the end Clayon chose his soul mate Liam Neeson. (Can you blame him? Yummm!)

The Bit Players perform "Hoe Down"

The Bit Players finished Saturday night’s performance with a “Hoe Down” about works of art.

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Friday, August 31st and Saturday, September 1st 2012

Have you ever wondered about the relationship between love and sports; if the rules of the game and the rules of love are similar?  There are many philosophical sayings that lead credence to their similarities.  For example:

·         Love is like a soccer ball, it is black and white, either you love me or you don’t.

• You can either teach or coach me, but you have to defend me if you love me
• Love me for what I am and not for what I become if my team wins

I think everyone would agree that a relationship, either on a team or with a significant other, has boundaries, rules, nuances, angles, degrees and risks, and that landing on either side of which, could leave you with a victory, or send you down the lonely path of defeat.

And so too it is with a Bit Players show.  Much like in a sporting event, a player may either take a risk and be rewarded with audience approval, or take an ill-advised angle on a topic and then crash and burn in flames to the dismay of the audience.  I would say, and I would bet the crowds this weekend would agree, that for the Bit Players and both their shows this weekend, they were riding high in the WIN column.

On Friday, “Story, Story, Die” was by far the best I’ve ever witnessed.  Instead of attempting to capture it in words, I’ll let you be the judge of its merits. Watch the video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_BUDd8SVNE&feature=plcp

One clever audience member submitted the suggestion of a name and occupation for an “Irish Drinking Song”.  The cheesy suggestion of Patty, who makes patio furniture was accepted by, the Bit Players, namely Matt Lindman, Neal Leaheey, Dylan Eberle, and Stephanie Conrad, who took the proverbial ball and ran with it.

Vlad and John in "Location, Career, Death"

“Location Career Death” performed by John Mulligan and Vlad Tenenbaum, is a bit where Vlad must convey all of the suggestions of a location, and occupation, and an object to John only through the means of mine.  As John thinks he knows each, he claps and Vlad moves to the next item.  When John gets to the object, he must “kill” Vlad with it.  In this zany game the audience provided some clever suggestions of Wizarding School, a murdering barber, and a fire extinguisher.

Matt sings in "Bartender"

John sings in "Bartender"




Neal sings in "Bartender"

Dylan sings in "Bartender"

The Bit Player’s signature bit, “Bartender” was featured Vlad and Stephanie behind the bar providing some advice to their patrons who came to the bar with their unique problems.  Neal was suffering from mosquito bites, which Stephanie creatively suggested to Neal to just get drunk and when the mosquitoes bite him after that the alcohol level in his blood would kill them.  John, who had squeaky brakes, crooned about his Power Wheels with a horn that was inadvertently hooked up to his brakes.  Dylan sang about his issues with Jet QB Tim Tebow not being able to through, and  Sanchez at the end of his rope, and Ryan who couldn’t stop lying.  But Vlad offered advice to Dylan to take his money to bet against the Jets.  Finally, it was Matt given the suggestion of athletes foot.  But what the bartenders and audience didn’t realize was that Matt actually had an athlete’s foot because he had cut the foot off of Derek Jeter and didn’t know where to dispose of the rest of the body!

No matter what your political affiliation, you had to admit that “Radio Show” entitled “Mitt Romney Goes to a Gay Pride Parade” was a hit with the audience.  Words cannot do justice or capture all the wacky characters in this scene. Take a listen for yourself: Click here ->: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcIFw-xwoMM&feature=youtu.be)

The Bit Players perform "Doo Wop"

In the second set of Friday’s performance, “Doo Wop” about a Swiffer Mop, performed by the entire cast and accompanied by our musicians Chase Ceglie and Devon Mello was a triumph.  Each player professed their love for this household marvel until Dylan turned the tables, and replaced the Swiffer with an illegal immigrant maid.

On Saturday we had lots of people celebrating with The Bit Players.  And as life often represents art, appropriately, we had an entire sports team and several representatives of love and relationships being recognized tonight.

Clayon, Lobo, and Dylan
in "Good Cop / Bad Cop"

“Good Cop / Bad Cop” had the audience on the edge of their seats.  Clayon McFarlane and Dylan Eberle portrayed the cops and Lobo Linhares was the notorious perpetrator who had to confess to the crime (with a wee bit of prodding by his jailors) of killing Wayne Johnson (The Rock), with a Nintendo-64, at a Starbucks.

Brittany and Matt perform
in "Shakespeare Alphabet"

“Shakespeare Alphabet” was a quirky favorite of the night with Matt Lindman and Brittany Hunt playing Father and Daughter in a Shakespearean scene.  The rules of the bit are that the actors must  speak in dialog beginning with the next consecutive letter of the alphabet.  This scene which took place in a Taco Bell about a “forbidden love” had everyone totting up the letters and laughing at Matt and Brittany’s slightly disturbing antics.

Tim, Stephanie, and Dylan in
"Epic Poem"

Frank and Kathy, an auto mechanic and florist in the audience and celebrating their 60^th birthdays with the Bit Players were compensated on their special days with an “Epic Poem”.  This bit performed for them by Dylan, Stephanie Conrad, and Tim Bric, was appropriately titled “The Day They Painted by Numbers” since Frank admitted he had dreamed of one day being an accountant, and Kathy’s dream was to have been an artist.

Lobo (with The Bit Players) "Serenade"
bachelorette, Lexa

Beautiful Lexa, a bachelorette celebrating her upcoming nuptials on September 26^th to fiancée, Charles, was asked to the stage (to the gratitude of the boys in the front row …more about them later) to be “Serenaded” by The Bit Players in recognition of the momentous occasion.  Lexa, a publisher of Teen books, and Charles, a filmmaker from Brooklyn, NY were the inspiration for a song composed on the spot, all about them.

In the second set, Brittany and Tim took on “Ding”.  In this scene taking place in Hell, we see our actors traversing the desolate landscape of hell trying to escape it’s confines, put there on a technicality of killing an old woman, but… not really…  As Tim saw it, the woman was really old anyway, and she liked the Yankees.  After all, people who like the Yankees have weak constitutions… so it really wasn’t their fault after all???

Tim, Matt, and Dylan in "Doo Run"

More love was in the house with Bachelorette Brenna who was celebrating her upcoming marriage to her beau, Airforce airman, Matt with her friends who described Brenna as “hot and funny”.  Brenna described her friends as “disagreeable and delightful”.  Brenna was honored by The Bit Players with a “Doo Run” song.

Mat and Dylan, with audience members
Coaches Green and Thissen from Fitchburg State
perform "Tap the Audience"

The entire front section of the theater was populated by the Fitchburg State Falcons Soccer team.  For them, their moment, had come.  Coaches Green and Thissen were invited to the stage to assist Dylan and Matt in a bit called “Tap the Audience”.  In this bit, Coaches Green and Thissen must fill in the blanks when Matt and Dylan tap them.  If appeared that the coaches might not only have a little improvisational skills of their own, they also had the audience, including their team roaring with their naughty references and innuendo.

Dylan and his Redneck backup band perform in
"Telethon"

Closing the show, the Bit Players performed “Telethon”. Hosted by Brittany and Stephanie (aka Charlene and Suzy) this fictional Telethon about “Poor Hygiene” was peculiarly humorous.  Tim and Lobo, also known as Spit and Spat were up first as entertainers with their sullied Rap/Rock duet, followed by Clayon and his Maxwell-like R&B soiled stylings.  Matt brought an unclean, yet groovy kinda love to the topic of poor hygiene with his Phil Collins-like song rendition. And then, bringing it all home with his grubby Blue Grassy ditty was Dylan and his redneck backup band.  Watch the video to witness the shananigans. - >  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9BQ8ejNqqQ&feature=youtu.be )

So if you’re a player or a playa, loving the game or playing the game, the Firehouse Theater along with the Bit Players are the best tickets in town!

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!