Friday, August 10th and Saturday August 11th 2012

I recently walked into a Super Target for the first time, and exclaimed, “Holy crap!  If there were a world cataclysm, you could wall yourself in this place and never have to leave!”  (much like in the movie, “Dawn of the Dead” (the original, not the crappy remake) but without the Zombies).  And for those “improv  aficionados” in the audience this weekend, they may have also felt that all of their improv needs were met and they would never need to leave.  But unfortunately, the milk that paired with your endless amounts of cereal at Super Target, would get chunky and eventually inedible.  And your beer and champagne would run out at the Firehouse Theater, and you would unhappily be forced to leave their borders.  But don’t fret… You can always return to the comforting confines of Super Target, (open 7 days a week).  And within these hallowed pages, you can relive your experience with the Bit Players, over and over again, (not to mention come back to the Firehouse next weekend…   Just sayin’)

On Friday night, The Bit Players were ready and eager to fulfill all of your needs. Hosted by Frank Fusaro and joined by fellow Bits, Vlad Tenenbaum, Clayon McFarlane, Anna Smith, Tim Bric, and Dylan Eberle, the seats in the house were full,  and the show was jam-packed with quality Bits.

Frankk and Dylan remaining in "Story, Story, Die!"

“Story, Story Die” was the opener.  In this bit, hosted by Vlad, the players must continuously tell the same story adding on their own unique twists, when the host points in their direction.  If the host feels the player faltered in any way, the host may “kill off” the player.  The remaining players then continue the tale until only one player survives to end the story.  Vlad was merciless with his trigger finger in the narrative entitled “The Adventures of Sasha, and How She Got To School.”  Sasha’s trained bob-sled dog, Akita (trained by British Special Ops) helped to navigate the icy slopes, until Akita encountered a Polar Bear.  Akita fought bravely, but was overcome by the bear.  Sasha was left to fight her own battle and stabbed the bear.  With the weight of the bear now atop Sasha, causing the ice below her to crack, and faced with plunging into the icy depths below, Sasha used Akita’s body as a floatation device and survived to live another day…

Vlad performs "Good Morning!"

The incomparable Vlad (trained by none other than Marcel Marceau) delighted the audience with his mime piece, “Good Morning”.  In the piece, Vlad not only mimed the actions of the audience suggested morning routines, he also gave life to the objects he encountered.

The Bit Players in "Jeopardy"

Vlad also was the crowd favorite in “Jeopardy”. Hosted by Frank, all of the players participate as on the hit game show.  In this Bit Player’s version of Jeopardy, the audience is the board and provides the topics. The players must buzz in and provide the (appropriate??) question. Vlad’s responses to “Toronto” / (Torah on Toe) – A Jewish book on Toes, and “Ebola” / (E-Bowl-a) – An online website for bowling, had the audience laughing and applauding, resulting in Vlad’s victory as Jeopardy Champion.

Emo songstress, Anna in "Telethon"

R&B stylists, Clayon in "Telethon"

Death Metal head, Dylan in "Telethon"

Rapper, Tim in "Telethon"

Rapper, Frank in Telethon

The first set of Friday night could not have ended on a higher note than with the Bit Player’s newest bit, “Telethon”.  In this Telethon with Santa as the worthy “cause”, entertainers perform to help raise money and awareness on the topic.  Anna, our “Emo Songtress” started off the parade of stars with her emotional song of being alone at Christmas.  R&B Artist, Clayon, had the ladies swooning over his sexy Christmas song and hypnotic body gyrations.  Dylan’s deep growling vocals in his “Death Metal” song about Santa’s reindeer and presents (I think?), had the crowd playing air guitars and their heads bobbing.  Finally ending the set were Rappers, Frank and Tim who made a strong appeal for Santa’s cause with their urban take on Santa's plight.  Accompanied by Chase Ceglie and Devon Mello who provided the characteristic funk drum beat for this Rap Song and all of the background music for all of the entertainer’s songs.  THIS IS A MUST SEE VIDEO!!! - > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk_jeXrBf-Q&feature=plcp



Bachelorette, Bethany is "Serenaded" by Anna



The second set was equally amazing. The Bit Players surprised a bachelorette in the audience, Bethany, with a “Serenade” all about her and her fiancée, Nicolas’, not so successful first Mini-Golf date.  Bethany told the story of her online meeting with Nicolas and their subsequent flubbed first date which became fodder and inspiration for The Bit Player’s song about them.

Vlad, Frank and Dylan in "Epic Poem"

Sandra, a massage therapist, who dreamed of one day being a flight attendant was given a taste of her dream in an “Epic Poem” performed by Vlad, Frank and Dylan, entitled “The Day Sandra Flew”

Friday night ended in epic proportions in “Blues Song” all about space.  The entire cast added their vocals and bluesey stylings as they crooned… “I’ve got the low-down, dirty, outer space blues !”

And then… On came Saturday!  Just like having the entire Super Target at your disposal and overdosing on Lays Potato Chips in the snack isle, so too is having back to back nights of Bit Players (you can’t eat just one…)!!

Saturday’s host, Vlad joined again by Anna and Clayon, had some new faces with which to play, with Jim Foley and Brittany Hunt  added to the mix.



Brittany remains in "Story, Story, Die!"



“Story, Story Die!” was brought back again in the first set.  In “The Adventures of Megan and her Magic Balls” we followed Megan on her quest to become a professional bowler in Boston.  With her skills, Megan is crowned Queen of the bowling alleys. The people of Boston love Megan so much they make her a Pop-Star, and Megan changes her name to Katie Perry… The rest is history.

Anna, Brittany, and Clayon in "Ding"

Anna and Brittany (joined by Clayon – aka Marie) entertain us in “Ding” hosted by Vlad.  In this bit, the actors must succumb to the fickle host’s will. If Vlad doesn’t like something that an actor says he may ding them, in so doing, the actors must then come up with some other dialog or action, and that becomes the new reality within the scene.  In this story about sorority sisters, we see Anna commanding pledged member, Brittany to perform a hazing ritual and skin Marie, a fellow sister.  Brittany at first objects to performing this heinous act, but Anna reminds her of the disgusting acts that Marie has been doing, such as wiping her hands on the curtains after eating bags of Cheetos.  Brittany then agrees to Anna’s request to skin Marie like a peach.

Jim concludes the "Serenade" for Bachelorette, Megan (#1)

Jennifer, celebrating her birthday with the Bits was honored in a “Doo Run Song”.  Wanting to be a soccer champion, the Bits gave Jennifer her wish in a song all about her becoming a gold-medal winning soccer Olympian.

The first of the Megan Bachelorettes was called to the stage for a “Serenade”.  Megan (#1) due to wed college friend, Stephen on September 15^th was the topic of a song all about their love of each other.  Everyone let out a collective “Awwwww!” as Jim culminated the song, epitomizing their love for always….as Stephen ….”Counted the ways…”

Jim and Anna perform "Shakespeare Alphabet"

“Shakespeare Alphabet” performed by Jim and Anna had the crowd (especially the party in the back of the theater) in stitches.  This Old World story about “Love and Sword Fights” set in contemporary *FU-bleep-ing* Dorchester, had best friends turned enemies  about to come to blows.  Jim, defending his love's honor that was in dispute by Anna’s critique of her, is finally resolved as Jim sees that his love has been tainted, and agrees with Anna’s viewpoint to “end” the relationship.  (Check out the video here-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zt9Eh1fgAw&feature=plcp )

Brought back a second night was “Telethon” and fittingly enough about Zombies.  (Remember my Dawn of the Dead reference? See what I did there?) 

In this Zombie laden Telethon Anna sang “Country”.  Brittany took on “Metal” (who knew?  …Dylan, watch your back)  Jim (as-white-as-they-come) performed a Gansta Rap…  (Oh yeah, he DID!), and Clayon went Reggae.  The audience was equally impressed, as the bit ended Saturday’s first set.

Vlad interviews bachelorette, Megan (#2) for
"Sounds Like a Song"

The Bit Players were flying through the second set in rapid succession.  To honor our second bachelorette, Megan (#2) the Bit’s performed an old piece in a new way.  In “Sounds Like a Song” Megan #2 was brought up onto the stage and interviewed by Vlad.  Sr Analyst, Megan set to marry Bass Player, Mark on October 20^th,met while on a photo shoot of Mark’s band.  The love that Megan and Mark had for each other and also their love of tattoos was all fodder for a story of improvised songs about their life.

Juliene (a sexy bee-otch as described by her friends) celebrating her 35^th Birthday at the Firehouse Theater was singled out for an “Epic Poem” performed by Anna Brittany, and Jim was entitled “The Day Juliene Sold”.

Brittany, Jim and Anna perform "Moondoggie" with Vlad

Because the show was proceeding at such a fast pace, the bit “Moondoggie” was added to the set list.  This signature bit had Vlad interviewing an expert (performed by Anna, Brittany, and Jim) on a topic.  In this case, our expert not only knew the topic, but also WAS the topic; a dragon.  Our dragon,  named Seraline, was found in a basket (on Tuesday) by a nice family who adopted him.  The family told him that he was a Magic Dragon who could breathe fire.  The audience had some questions for the dragon.  When asked what the dragon ate, he replied matter-of-factly; Ham!  We also learned that the dragon worked for the Rhode Island Office of Magic where he helped with the “cat problem".

As always, The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Wednesday, August 8th 2012

Robert Henri once pondered, “Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think.”

Newport is one of those places that is a hotbed for great philosophical thought and contemplations.  And what better place than this city by the sea to witness a Bit Players show, where the Bit Players make you think about things that you didn’t even know you wanted to think about.  It can be a place where one may have a truly moving experience.  (Most likely moving in direction of the restroom – it is BYOB at the Firehouse Theater, after all).   But I digress…  Back doing what they do best, The Bit Players showed off their improv comedy skills with their Wednesday night lineup of absurdity.

The Birt Players perform "Story, Story, Die!"

And, speaking of a moving experience, in the first bit of the performance, “Story, Story, Die!” we may all have felt a little itchy and squirmy through the telling of this story entitled “Kristen Doesn’t Look Before She Leaps”.  In the story,  we listened to the entire cast (Jim Foley, Sarah Shepherd, John Mulligan, Clayon McFarlane and Stephanie Conrad, directed by Vlad Tenebaum) collectively weave a tale about Kristen leaping over bees nests.  We learned that the bees were lying in wait for Kristen and the bees wanted to seek out their revenge.

Jim and John, directed by Vlad in "Ding"

The next bit of the night was, “Ding”.  In it, we saw Jim and John take us back to the Roman era as doctors (in training?).  The scene begins as the two discuss the effects of global warming.  Fabius (played by Jim) remarked, “As leaders of the foremost empire on the planet, I feel impervious to it.”  John however had a difference in opinion as he responded, “We are not impervious to everything…  I have the worst case of the hemorrhoids!”  Fabius countered they [the hemorrhoids] aren’t significantly hard to conquer, but significantly harder than Carthage. (the history nerds in the audience plus John and Jim, chuckled at that retort *ugh*).  John soon lamented his lost pet dog and then added, “I’m talking about my mother, she was a bitch.”  Fabius thought this comment a little off-putting as evidently his mother too was also John’s mother.  John apologized, and blamed it on the wine that he had been drinking to numb the pain of the hemorrhoids.  Fabius then acknowledge the random spear they were holding, to which John responded, “There is no time like the present to do surgery!”  But as any good Roman, John declared that he needed more wine, and proceeded to insert an IV drip of wine directly into the veins of his forearm.  Numbing more than his hemorrhoids, John exclaimed, “I see the collapse of the Roman Empire!  I see hoards at the border!”  Jim then inquired, “Do you see Caesar?” To which John replied, “Yes, and he’s dressed like a woman!”

John, Stephanie, and Jim in "Doo Run" Song

A couple (John and Bobbie) celebrating their 2^nd year Anniversary at the Firehouse theater were surprised with a “Doo Run” song  the Bits composed on the spot, all about them.  The Bit Players (Jim, John and Stephanie) sang about John’s work in building, and Bobbie’s career as an occupational therapist,… but…  of course, with a Bit Player’s twist.  Not only may Bobbie be getting a boat as an anniversary present from John, but he may also be building her a moat!  (and since the 2^nd Anniversary gift is traditionally a garnet, perhaps John, you may even put a nice velvet box with a garnet ring next to the helm of that boat …Just saying’...*wink/nod->Bobbie*

Jim and Clayon perform "Shakespeare Alphabet"

In “Shakespeare Alphabet” Samuel (played by Jim) and Demetrius (played by Clayon) regaled us with an old world story about betrayal and disguise set in a Verizon store.  Distressed about their poor cell phone coverage at their Burriville, RI Castle they sought their local Verizon Dealer Guy (played by John).  Samuel attempts to negotiate with this genuine Verizon genius, asking him what must they do to get a little more service.  The Verizon Guy instructs Samuel and Demetrius that if they want more bars on their cell phones, they must kill a man, because Verizon lives on blood and blood alone.  Incredulous, Samuel beseeches the Verizon Guy,  “Men’s death leads to more service?”  In the end Samuel smites the Verizon guy, and with a rebel yell from Demetrius, more bars are achieved.

John and Jim in "Sounds Like A Song"

John, Stephanie, and Jim in "Sounds Like A Song"

“Sounds Like A Song” was probably the highlight bit of the night with Tommy (played by Jim) and Herbert (played by John), joined Debra (played by Stephanie), aka Tommy’s Mommy.  The audience provided the location of LegoLand as the setting for this improvised song piece.  In this scene, we see young Tommy sitting on the floor building things with his Legos.  Herbert however has bigger fish to fry, imploring Tommy to use bigger blocks with which to build. “Ever seen a block the size of a dog?” Herbert solicits.  “Not the sort of dog that sits on your mother’s lap and she pets it and then throws it in the garbage when she gets senile…  No, “I’m talking a great FU@%ing Dane!”  Tommy’s youthful outlook was evident in his reply, “Everyone knows, greatness starts small,” which led to the first song.  Herbert bemoans his own life of privilege as we learn that was willed the vastness of LegoLand by old man, Grandpa Lego, Herbert Herbert Lego the 5^th.  Young Tommy was astounded!  No, not at the vast fortunes of the Lego empire, but that four other people also had that name!  Herbert asks Tommy to join forces with him to build and create.  However, Tommy laments that he has this dame, at home (Mommy) who constantly impedes his creativity and ability to express his ideas.  Debra enters and responds to Herbert’s exclamation of Tommy’s potential with “Does he look like he has potential?” leading to another song.  Debra did not believe in her son and points out that he’s eating the Legos..   The three must then sing a song about eating the product.  After eating the lead paint off of the Lego’s and hallucinating, Tommy climbs the Lego Tree plant.  As Tommy climbs the Lego Tree, his mother finally sees Tommy’s potential and she and Herbert encourage Tommy to climb to its top and toward the sun!  Words really cannot do this bit justice.  Seeing IS believing.  Watch the video and be AMAZED! Click here -> http://youtu.be/BNtZY-4JrmU

And as always, The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Saturday, August 4th 2012

Samuel Ullman once wrote. “ Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. 

Lobo and Matt left standing in "Story, Story Die!"
directed by Vlad

For one very special guest in our audience tonight, having a soul as firm and as smooth as a baby’s bottom, displayed her enthusiasm in droves.  Sitting in the front row, Theresa, celebrating her 89^th birthday, surrounded by family and friends, laughed at all of the antics of the Bit Players on the stage before her.

The Bit Players had a lot to live up to with Theresa and her family, and the capacity crowd on hand at the Firehouse Theater.  But the Bit Players rose to the occasion.  Beginning with a staple warm-up piece, “Story, Story, Die!” the players came out of the gate with guns a-blazing. This improv line bit played by the entire cast (Brittany Hunt, John Mulligan, Lobo Linhares, Matt Lindman, and Stephanie Conrad) is subject to the fickle finger of the host, Vlad Tenenbaum.  At any time Vlad may point to a player who must continue the story without hesitation all the while making sense within the context of the story.  If Vlad deems the player has not met the criteria (or if Vlad doesn’t like them), he may “kill them off by shouting “Die”. In this story about Brenda with her bowling ball in Russia, it came down to Lobo and Matt… With tension mounting, Vlad shouted “Die!”… Left standing victorious, it was Matt to conclude the story.

Audience member, Solon was the topic of a “Doo Run Song”.  This improvised song was performed by Matt, Brittany, and Stephanie.  The players sang about Solon’s welding expertise and his really nice “blow torch”.  A manly man, Solon must also be a proponent of healthy living as the Bits made reference to his very clean colon.

Brittany and
Stephanie in
"Stunt Doubles"

John and Vlad in "Stunt Doubles"

Brittany and Stephanie were the actors in a bit called “Stunt Doubles”.  In this bit whenever the actors do not want to perform a specific action, they call on their stunt doubles, played by John and Vlad, to execute  it for them… (but with a twist).  In this scene Stephanie and Brittany were on a hot air balloon trip.We first saw our actors getting into the balloon through the antics of John and Vlad, followed by the lighting of the flame, which ended with Brittany’s eyebrows being singed.  Lastly, as the balloon needed to land, the actors called for their stunt doubles.  John proceeded to throw Vlad out of the balloon’s basket.  We saw Vlad make a mighty effort to fly before falling to his death to end the scene.



Matt, with The Bit Players "Serenade" Theresa

 Now, it was time that the audience had been anticipating. The Bit Players recognized the Grande Dame and Matriarch of the evening, Theresa, in “Serenade” style.  Theresa, a former hairdresser, (of Dead People!?!?) hailing from Warwick, RI who raised nine children and had multitudes of grandchildren and great-grandchildren (some of them present to watch grandma’s special night), was the topic of this improvised song all about Theresa, to her delight and the delight of all present.
Share in the celebration with Theresa, watch the video here - > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g87sJGIvsk&feature=plcp

Lobo sings to "Bartenders"
John and Stephanie

Matt in "Bartender" with John
and Stephanie

Stephanie sings advice
to Brittany in "Bartender"

Ending the first set with their signature bit, “Bartender”, the energy of the night continued to swell.  Manning the bar, Stephanie and John, whose job it was not only to satiate their patrons thirst, but to quench their patron’s need for advice, did so through improvised song.  Their patrons, Lobo, Brittany, and Matt were given unique problems for which they sought the advice of their barkeep, through a song of their own styling.   Lobo, given sexual harassment, sang about his sexually assertive boss causing distress in his life.  Lobo’s character named Harris, lamented about his boss’s objections to Harris’ mints.  John sang a bit of advice back to Lobo, suggesting he change to spearmint gum, and added that he and Lobo could be the Doublemint Twins.  Fellow bartender, Stephanie added to Lobo that John could also double his pleasure.  Brittany was up next with her problem of Cooties.  Stephanie assisted not only with advice but also with her skills as a medical assistant offering, “Circle, circle, dot, dot… now you have a Cooties shot!”.  Finally, Matt sidled to the bar with his problem of female pattern baldness.  In Matt’s song, he bemoaned that when being intimate with his wife, handfuls of her hair would come off in his hands.  Matt added that his wife was beginning to look like Vlad at which point Vlad, taking offense OR pleasure at the reference, ended the scene.

Brittany exclaims her love to Matt
in "Shakespeare Alphabet"



Redemption for Brittany over Matt
in "Shakespeare Alphabet"



In the second set, Matt and Brittany took the stage in “Shakespeare Alphabet”.  In this scene about love, death, and betrayal, set in modern day Detroit, we saw Matt and Brittany as fellow automobile workers.  Brittany’s love at first was unrequited, until Matt recognizes Brittany’s secret desire.  Matt exploits Brittany’s love and demands that she make for him the perfect vehicle.  Only then would Matt reciprocate his affections.  Brittany had the upper hand however, and created the car but in a final act of redemption for Matt’s exploitation of her feelings, Brittany runs over Matt with the car exclaiming, “Zeus is with me on this ride!”

Vlad, Brittany, and Stephanie
in "Epic Poem"

With the players flying through their sets, host Vlad added “Epic Poem” to the rotation.  In this bit, Vlad, Brittany, and Stephanie created an ode for a delighted audience member.  Carmen, an attorney, was the subject of this verse in epic style, as the players (and audience) fist-pumped their way through a story entitled, “The Day That Carmen Practiced Law”.  In this story however, criminals sought out Carmen to legally represent them, but not to win their cases, but have them incarcerated in all-female prisons.

If you are celebrating an event with your family or friends, and want them to be recognized in a unique way, consider commemorating the occasion with The Bit Players.  As with the case with those present tonight, it will be a night, for them and you, to remember!

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Wednesday, August 1st 2012

Ever wonder why we find rainbows so fascinating?  I mean, the science behind them is pretty mundane; a little sunlight, shining on some droplets of moisture, at the right angle… then… Bam!  You have a rainbow.  Any kid in the 3^rd grade can tell you how to make one with a glass of water and a flashlight.  Yet… You just can’t help but stare at them with awe when you see them in the sky. I think that’s because not everyone can see them.  You have to be at the right place, with the right angle, with the right conditions of water vapor.  It is only from your vantage point that you can witness this phenomenon happening.  What does this have to do with The Bit Players?  Well… I’ll tell you.  Only a chosen few (those lucky enough to fill the Firehouse Theater seats) get to witness the Bit Player phenomenon on any given night.  And for those chosen few on Wednesday night, they may have witnessed the ultimate; the improv version of a double-rainbow!!

“Word-At-A-Time Story” started off the night with all of the players (Neal Leaheey, Stephanie Conrad, Tim Bric, Frank Fusaro, and Matt Lindman) on the line, directed by Dylan Eberle.  In this improv line game entitled “The Day Thurgood the Lobsterman was Attacked by Dragons”, we saw Thurgood battling the dragon beast,  harpooning the dragon in the belly, until the dragon was defeated.

Frank and Tim with Neal in "Ding"

In the game “Ding”, the magic continued with the wizard, Frank and his apprentice wizard Tim.  In this scene with changing realities we see Frank wanting his apprentice to commit murder.  Tim reluctant at first, agreed to kill his brother because he was planning to pull a prank on his brother anyway.  The two wizards use the murdered brother (played by Neal) as a test subject for which they concoct a potion that will bring the dead body back to life.  However, Frank neglected to think of the delivery method of the potion,  Since the brother was dead he could not drink the potion.  The two wizards come up with a new plan and create a suppository version of the potion, of which Tim must “insert” into his brother’s body.  After some squeamishness, Tim agrees, saying, “This the second and last time that I’ll do this!”  Watch and laugh along with the audience - > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ_00yclC5A

Matt and Tim with Neal in "Genres"

“Genres” raised some eyebrows at Matt and Tim, two prisoners who have a penchant for reading, uncover a book (ala Harry Potter) that writes itself and becomes an escape route.  Neal, who plays the warden, intercepts the two (Transformers style).  A love story ensues as the warden declares his love for Matt, but as in all good and sappy love stories, Matt is in love with another, (Marge/Tim).  The warden expresses the sorrow of his broken heart (Rocky Horror Picture Show fashion) as he debates with his own conscience… with a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ght, and then to the left.  The warden comes to the conclusion that he wants Matt to be happy, and allows him to be with Marge.

Matt and Dylan perform "Alphabetical Shakespeare"

With our world’s attention on the Olympic Games it was fitting for the entire Bit Players Cast to sing a “Love Song” to Michael Phelps (No Lochte Love here).

Since the Olympic games are in London, why not tie in the birthplace of theatre with the next scene game, “Alphabetical Shakespeare” performed by Matt and Dylan.  In this scene we witnessed a bit more magic and spectacle with cross-dressing fairies at a teen-bop concert.  Although once Matt revealed his penchant for women’s clothing, Dylan was a little reluctant to continue the relationship.  But Matt’s love won him over in the end!

Neal and Tim as "Stunt Doubles"

The audience was enthralled with “Stunt Doubles” with actors Frank and Stephanie and their doubles, Neal and Tim.  The married arch-enemies, Frank and Stephanie are once again feuding. While Frank wants desperately to leave Stephanie, he cannot because he is on house arrest and is wearing an ankle bracelet.  Frank asks Stephanie to cut off the ankle bracelet, but Stephanie refuses to touch him, calling for Stunt Doubles.  Mayhem ensues, where we watch Neal and Tim’s actions, and not only the bracelet is cut off, but also the leg.  Frank, now bleeding everywhere, pleads with Stephanie to sew his leg back on.  Although Stephanie admits to being a seamstress, she calls once again for Stunt Doubles.  With the leg sewn back on, Frank’s love for Stephanie has been rekindled, instead of leaving her, Frank calls for one last dance, and for Stunt Doubles.  With gentle music playing and a slow waltz beginning, Neal took a flying leap into the awaiting arms of Tim to end the scene.

The Bit Players perform "Doo Run"

Two High School Students from Massachusetts and sisters, Emily and Marissa were the topic of a “Doo Run Song”.   Marissa admitted that Emily was obnoxious, and Emily countered that Marissa was very mean.  With this information, the entire Bit Players cast sang a song all about them.

Matt and Frank the "Survivors"
with Dylan directing

In “Survivor” the Bits had their work cut out for them.  In this scene game taking place in the suggested location of a sports stadium the audience gets to vote off a player they think is the least effective in the scene.  However, the catch is the remaining players must play all of the characters that were in the scene.  One by one the players were voted off until only Matt and Frank remained.  In rapid-fire succession Frank and Matt performed as the clumsy oaf spilling his drink, the Hot Dog Vendor, the horny boyfriend, the licentious girlfriend, the beer vendor, and the seat stealer.  In the end, the audience voted off Matt.  For Frank’s victory he then had to perform the entire scene, with all the characters, by himself, landing a knock-out blow to himself to end the scene.

Frank and Dylan (with newlyweds Michael and Linda)
in "Tap the Audience"

Newlyweds, Michael and Linda were called to the stage to help the Bit Players perform the bit, “Tap The Audience”.  In this bit about two morticians, Frank and Dylan find themselves in a sticky situation where not all of the bodies are dead.  As Frank pointed out, their motto is “If they’re not dead, we will kill them” which Dylan proceeds to do with his “monster scalpel”  to the latest body, chloroformed by Frank, lying on the table.  Dylan advised Frank that they needed to watch out for the F.I.S.H.  Frank agreed, liking Dylan’s code word for the Federal Investigative Services Hospitality.

The Bit Players sing "The Blues"

The Bit Players ended the night of zaniness with “The Blues” song.  The entire cast paid tribute to Breakfast, as they crooned… “We got the low-down, dirty Breakfast Blues….”

Come see your own rainbow!   it's like Skittles only better!  The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!

Friday, July 27th and Saturday July 28th 2012

With midsummer upon us and with most of us fully ensconced into the spirit of the Olympics, what better comparison to the Bit Players than to these Olympic athletes and the games?   Oh, you scoff?  Well make no mistake, our Bit Players of the Firehouse Theater stage just like those you are watching on the world stage, are highly trained individuals in the sport of improv.  Although the Bit Players do NOT perform games, they are called BITS, per Jack Maytum (The Firehouse’s version of the IOC).  Did you also know that the five interlocked rings that symbolize the Olympic games represents the five parts of the world that compete in the Olympic games;  Blue for Europe, Black for Africa, Red for the Americas, Yellow for Asia, and green for Oceana? The Bit Players also sport different colors.  But the question remains, what do their colors (Black, Red, and Purple) represent?  Perhaps their fans would have a suggestion or shed some light on the issue? 

Dylan and Neal in "Stunt Doubles"

During Friday night’s Herculean efforts, the Bit Players physically challenged each other in a bit that found Brittany Hunt and Frank Fusaro on a trip to Disney World, riding the rides and each other, as their “Stunt Doubles” Dylan Eberle and Neal Leaheey acted out their actions of being carried piggy-back and making cotton candy.  Frank aptly expressed the exhaustive nature of the scene by exclaiming, “I should have taken the thin sister!”

Exercise and athleticism continued in “Irish Drinking Song” about Steve the retiree, performed by John Mulligan, Frank, Dylan, and Brittany.  Through song, we see Steve on the couch, watching TV and drinking lemonade. His wife declares that he is getting fat and needs exercise.  Steve tells his wife to go to hell and buys a Prius.  Steve proceeds to a stripper bar where the strippers there think his car is lame. Steve then goes to a second strip club where the strippers are the “B” squad and don’t shave their pits, but Steve is victorious in the end.

In  The Day The Eberle’s Steamboated/Riverboated  an “Epic Poem” performed by Neal, Sarah, and Frank about Dylan’s parents (who are NOT named Eberle) , we meet our couple on a riverboat casino.  On the riverboat, Mrs. Eberle was enjoying the speed of the vessel, as it was going so fast that her loins quivered.  Mr. Eberle must be a bit of a thespian as his character went on the riverboat casino’s stage and hit a high “C” and then hit the Jackpot.  As girls swarmed around Mr. Eberle and his winnings, Mrs. Eberle warned him, “You better not!”  All was well later that night as the couple retired to the Captain’s Suite, and Mr. Eberle gave Mrs. Eberle a little treat!

In “Doo Run Song” Carmella and Chad celebrating their 10^th year wedding anniversary were the focus.  In some good natured ribbing we saw Carmella doing nothing, except making muffins ,yet loving Chad with all his stuffing.  Chad was the one who was makin’ the bacon in the family.  But Brittany, Frank , and Dylan wished them well with a cheer for 10 more years, and possibly tickets to see Tears for Fears?  Watch the video - >  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0eP8Al1NqI&feature=plcp

Neal sings his problem in"Bartender"

Brittany as Daryl Hannah(?)
in "Bartender"

Ending the 1^st set with their signature bit, “Bartender” with Dylan and Frank behind the bar., we meet our bar patrons, Neal, Brittany, and John who have unique problems that they sing to their bartenders looking for advice.  Neal who intoned about his problem of being harassed for being a male nurse was given some advice by Dylan to swim to Cuba in a move of reverse immigration, and set up a private practice there.  Brittany who did not have enough water, and as we learned was really Daryl Hannah from the movie Splash, was provided advice by Frank to find a Mer-Man, steal his eggs (I didn’t know mer-men had eggs???) and make mer-babies.  Lastly John who had problems with

John is directionally challenged
in "Bartender" 

directions had a GPS that was possessed by the ghost of Magellan. Dylan proffered some guidance that perhaps John was too reliant on technology and should go back to school and learn to use a sextant any maybe the use of sine, cosine, and tangent.

Bachelorette Megan is "Serenaded" by The Bit Players

In the second set,  civil engineer, Megan, celebrating with her bachelorette party was called to the stage to be “Serenaded” by the Bit Players.  Marrying City Planner, Stephen, the two met as judges at a Science Fair.

The highlight bit of the night, “Radio Show” plunged our audience into complete darkness.  With the narrative provided by Dylan in the story, “The Phone Comes to Arkansas” we meet our main character Daryl missing the last train out of town,  who was trying to get a message to  Anna, the woman he loves.  As Daryl is walking down the highway he sees headlights as James Jefferson offers to take Daryl to his love, Anna, in his buggy hooked to an electric horse.  As the two are rumbling down the road, Daryl  causes the electric horse to have a flat foot and they break down and crash into a nearby field.  This field was owned by none other than the notorious Mr. Briarpatty.  Mr. Briarpatty demands that they better have a good reason for crashing into his patch. Daryl reveals his tale of having to get a message to his love.  Mr. Briarpatty softens and offers to let Daryl use his electric horse with an attached telephone. Daryl however does not know how to use this newfangled device. The audience is left with the questions; Will Daryl learn how to dial a phone? Is Mr. Briarpatty hopped up on moonshine?  Find out in the next edition of Radio Show.

On Saturday, the Bit Players marathon efforts continued.   Not dissuaded by the torrential rains, the audience was at full capacity.  To their delight, Clayon McFarlane debuted in his first ever performance as the perpetrator in “Good Cop / Bad Cop”.  Interrogated by cops, Frank and Matt Lindman, Clayon had to confess to the crime of killing Inspector Gadget, with a Can Opener, in a Bottling Factory.

Anna, Kevin and Matt
in "Shakespeare Alphabet"

Clayon sings R&B in "Telethon"

In the spirit of the Olympic 2012 host country, London, England, the Bits offered the crowd a bit of old world theatre with “Shakespeare Alphabet”.  In this scene we see Kevin Killavey and Anna  Smith, joined by Matt, performing their thespian stylings .  In the end Anna displays her fencing prowess as she stabbed Matt with her épée protecting  the braless, Kevin.

Kevin croons jazz
in "Telethon"

Franks Raps for the cause
in "Telethon

Ending the first set on Saturday with “Telethon”, the Bit Players were high on their game. Hosted by Anna, the telethon about Fire Safety, like the Olympic torch, set the audience ablaze.  In this bit, the celebrity entertainers must sing in the song genres provided by the audience about the telethon's “cause”.  Kevin’s smooth jazz was noted as sparkly by host, Anna.  Clayon’s R&B stylings were introduced by Anna, who plugged Clayon's latest #1 hit tune, “Moving In Your Pants”.  Frank (aka Boss Son) was rolling with his rap with choruses of “Stop, Drop, and Roll”.  Rounding out the telethon was a duet by the 80’s group, “Princess” performed by Matt and Stephanie Conrad.

Matt and Stephanie
sing an 80's duet
in "Telethon

In the second set, for the pleasure of a large contingent in the back of the theater supporting two bachelorettes, Rebecca and Alicia to be wedded on August 2^nd, The Bit Players sang a “Serenade” .  Alicia a nurse, and Rebecca a surgical tech with Marion hospital were parodied in song.  Matt typified the well wishes to this couple (The Benedetti’s) on behalf of the Bits by saying “I hope that your wedding goes off without a snatch”…  Watch the video here -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ_00yclC5A

Suri (Stephanie) is kidnapped
 by The Mormons (Anna, Clayon, and Frank)
as Katie watches in horror in Mini-Musical

Frank as L. Ron Hubbard's ghost
speaks to Tom (Matt) and Kevin (Katie)
in Mini-Musical

The Bit Players were on target as they hit the audience between the eyes with a “Mini-Musical” about the Book of Scientology.  Tom [Cruise]  (played by Matt) ,was depicted in this epic story.  Divorcing from Margaret(??) Tom finds himself alone.  Margaret (the re-baptized name of Katie Holmes played by Kevin) takes Suri (played by Stephanie) and heads off into the unknown.  Margaret exclaims, “Oh, No! It’s the Mormons!” as the Mormons (played by Anna, Frank, and Clayon)abduct Suri and take her away singing “Going to Utah”.  Margaret returns to Tom and tells him in song and dance about Suri’s abduction. Lamenting his losses, Tom exclaims that his life is in a shambles.  The couple is then visited by the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard who tells Tom he needs  to sign a new contract, to reunite with Margaret, AND come out [of the closet].  Tom confronts Margaret telling her that she fulfilled only a couple of his needs. Margaret croons that she would always love him and the two go off into the sunset. Watch the video here - > http://youtu.be/ZAaSv0Jklhs

Transcending reality and attaining Greek God-like status the Bit Players entertained their crowds with all the pageantry and regalia equal to that which the world is viewing across the pond, and hope that you too will be part of their next weekend of festivities.

 The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB