Hope for the Procrastinator
So… Are you finished with your Christmas shopping? Do you want to jump right through your computer screen and rip my eyes out right now for asking? Awww… It’s OK. You need some ideas for Uncle Jack and Auntie Donna, your neighbors across the street, and the slew of cousins you see once a year, don’t you? Well, you’ve come to the right place. The Bit Players not only have a plethora of ideas for you, (from Julius Caesar action figures, to Billy Mays famous product line; Sham-Wows, Shake-Weights, and Slap-Chops), they can even suggest ideas on where to go to get great items like Hot Topic and The Island of Misfit Toys. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Bit Players are not only funny, they are resourceful too!
Playing for your entertainment pleasure on Friday were Vlad Tenenbaum, Neal Leaheey, Jim Foley, Tim “Lobo” Linhares, and Tim Bric. The show was hosted by Frank Fusaro and providing the musical complement were Chuck Malone and Mike Sapien.
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| The Bit Players perform "Story, Story, Die! |
To start off the shopping wars, The Bit Players began with a collectively told story, in the bit, “Story, Story Die” about George’s adventures in the toy store. In this tale, George HAD to HAVE the aforementioned Julius Caesar action figure and battled a fellow woman shopper to get it. While the woman George had bludgeoned was lying on the floor dying, George attempted to call 911. But, to the dismay of the injured woman, George had only minutes left on his cell phone because he had a Verizon plan.
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| Lobo, Frank and Jim in "Good Cop / Bad Cop" |
In the next bit, “Good Cop / Bad Cop” the audience reveled in the frustration of our cops, Frank and Jim as they attempted to provide the clues for our criminal, Lobo, to guess his crime. The audience provided the suggestions for the crime of killing “The Tin Man” with a “Sham-wow” on “The Island of Misfit Toys”. However, to the incredulity of our cops and the audience alike, Lobo had never seen the Christmas Classic “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer” and mightily struggled to get the last clue to his confession.
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| Lobo and Tim in "Stunt Doubles" |
Now if you are in the wrapping stages of your Holiday Shopping, you might NOT want to take any pointers from the bit “Stunt Doubles” in which our actors Tim and Lobo are Santa’s elves attempting to wrap the presents. Our stunt doubles, Vlad and Neal, provided the physical actions in which our elves get all tangled up in the ribbons and even tie themselves together. But Santa comes to the rescue, and unties our two unconventional elves.
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| The Bit Players perform "Jeopardy" |
In The Bit Player’s version of the hit game show, “Jeopardy”, the audience, playing “the Board” was up for the challenge of supplying the categories in which the players must create a question. In the category “X-box” we learned that this was what Vlad missed most about his Ex. (You figure it out). From the category “Wildebeast” Jim quipped that this was what The Beast’s father did before he died. (Get it? Willed the Beast???)… To keep the bad puns flowing, Jim again brought it back around with the category “Will I AM”, when Jim joked that this was what I AM’s father did before he died… (Yes, it’s OK, you can groan now!)
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| Jim sings his problem to "Bartenders", Vlad and Frank |
The Bit, “Bartender” finished the first set with Frank and Vlad manning the bar. The patrons coming to the bar with their problems tonight were Tim, who was dealing with the Mayan Apocalypse, Neal who couldn’t wrap gifts, Lobo who was suspended, and Jim who married Adele. In this bit, our patrons sing about their problems to their bartenders, and our “Drink Therapists” sing advice back to them. Jim stole the show with his swooning saga about Adele’s predilection for writing songs about her ex-boyfriends.
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| Neal as "Scrooge" meets Oprah, the Ghost of Christmas Future, played by Frank |
In the spirit of the season, The Bit Players have brought back some holiday favorites which they added in Friday night’s second set in a bit called “Scrooge”. In this bit, Scrooge, played by Neal was visited by three ghosts. These three ghosts are famous people suggested by the audience. Our Ghost of Christmas past, was Richard Nixon, played by Jim. Hulk Hogan, played by Tim, was the Ghost of Christmas present, and in all her regalia, Oprah, played by Frank, was the Ghost of Christmas future. Watch the hilarious holiday exploits of our players in this weird and wonderful scene. Click the link - >
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| Birthday Girl, Darlene is "Serenaded" by The Bit Players |
Birthday Girl, Darlene was sacrificed to the Bit Player Gods by her party in the theater's back rows to be “Serenaded” in honor of her special day. Darlene, a self-puported stay-at-home lay-about, was the focus of an interview in which the Bit Players gather information and derive an improvised song about the highlighted person. Darlene and her husband (who did not accompany the celebrating posse) met while Darlene was working as an admin at a college in NY. The couple have been married for 12 years and enjoy gardening together.
To end Friday night’s escapades, The Bit Players finished with a “Blues Song” fittingly entitled, “The Home Shopping Club Blues.
On Saturday night, joining Frank, Vlad and Jim were Stephanie Conrad, Dylan Eberle, and Clayon McFarlane, with Chase Ceglie holding up the musical duties.
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| The Bit Players in "Story, Story, Die!" |
“Story Story, Die!” on Saturday went to the bizarre in a tale about Luther and his apple. Travelling by taxi, Luther travels to his orchard in the country. Luther is so enthralled with his apples that he begins making out with one. In the course of this mad organic lovemaking with an apple, Luther finds a worm. In shock, Luther falls out of the tree, and the worm devoured Luther’s body. Growing to epic proportions the worm travels the world, going on morning talk shows and discussing his speech impediment. What??? Yeah, that really happened!
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| Frank, Clayon and Dylan in "Good Cop / Bad Cop" |
In “Good Cop / Bad Cop” Clayon took on the perpetrator role, and Dylan joined Frank as the law enforcers. On this night Clayon had to confess to the crime of killing Mitt Romney, with tweezers, at Hot Topic. Only one racially-charged comment was issued before Clayon uttered the first part of the confession, followed rapidly in succession by the remaining declarations. It was indeed a world record for the game on this Bit Player stage.
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| Dylan, Clayon, Frank and Jim perform "Blankety-the Blank Blank" |
The first of the new bits, “Blankety-the-Blank, Blank” was a roaring success with the crowd. Sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Dylan, Clayon, Frank and Jim sang about Walter the embarrassed bus driver.
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| Dylan, Jim and Vlad as the "Visual Interpretor" |
In the second set the audience was captivated, beginning with all of the innuendo in “Blind Freeze”. The next bit “Visual Interpreter” went to new and unexpected heights of weirdness, with Jim as the interviewer and Dylan as the expert on pole dancing. Vlad offered his miming interpretations in this bit where we learned the rich history of pole dancing from its humble beginnings to the craze that has taken over as white women have turned into “women with questionable behavior” (*whispering * OK, they’re sluts). Click the link to view this zany scene -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y6hg4k-vLw&feature=youtu.be
The Jack Wills crew was in the house with Jack Wills Mama, Shawna some getting some acknowledgment with a Birthday Shout-Out. But shy, Shawna did not want anything more than a “Woot-Woot”. Happy Birthday !!!
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| The Tull's are "Serenaded" by The Bit Players |
Also celebrating in the audience were Beverly and Carl Tull (The CUTEST couple EVAH!). The Tulls were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. Surprised and a little tipsy from their revelry, the Tulls wound their way to the stage to be “Serenaded”. Beverly who works in real estate with her hubby and financial advisor, Carl met here in Newport at a bar. Although the bar (The Tavern) has not survived, as Jim noted in his verse of the improvised song, that the Tull's love outlasted the bar in which they met . Watch to see the video of the couple’s special night out. Click the link to view - >
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| Stephanie, Clayon and Frank in "Santa's Lap" |
The second of the new holiday bits was up next, “Santa’s Lap”. In this bit Santa, played by Clayon and his elf assistant, Stephanie, have run out of the “good gifts” to give the children waiting to see him. So Santa and his elf convince the children that the items, a Slap-Chop, a ham bone, and an Easy-Bake Oven, are really great gifts. Our children played by Jim, Frank, and Dylan must guess their presents from the clues provided by the gift-givers. Watch this heartwarming scene of blatant commercialism and jocularity. Click the link to view ->
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| The Bit Players perform a Blues Song about Frosty the Snowman |
The Bit Players closed the show in a way not usually ended. The Bit Players had earlier filmed a spoof to the movie “Jack Frost’s” and its opening blues number, Frosty the Snowman. Having been successful in rehearsal, the Bit Players wanted to share it with their audience. With Dylan on the drum machine, Jim at the keyboard, and featuring amazing saxophone solos of Chase, The Bit Players ended the show with their own rendition of this bluesy carol to the delight of their audience.
Now… Procrastinating Reader… Get shopping! You have only 14 days LEFT!!!!
From Birthdays, Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties, Anniversaries and even marriage proposals, want to arrange a unique event for someone special? Why not show your love or appreciation for that certain someone, LIVE onstage! Bring your friend or loved one to the Bit Players show, and celebrate in a one-of-a-kind way. Contact the theater for information on how we can help you plan and make your event special!
The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840. Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows 401-849-FIRE (3473) And it is always BYOB!
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