Friday, January 25th and Saturday, January 26th

 Dearest Bit Players Fans,

 You have all reaped the benefits of seeing some hilarious improv comedy performed for you each and every weekend to sold out crowds.  Now we are asking you, our fans to return the favor.  Yes, you can help us by telling RI and the world that Newport, RI is the epicenter of funny and deserving of the nod for “Best Comedy Night” by casting YOUR VOTE!    Please go to http://www.votebitplayers.com and write “The Bit Players” in for Best COMEDY NIGHT.  The Providence Phoenix will then tally the write-ins for the “Best of” nominations and will enter the top vote getters onto a formal ballot.  So help us get on the ballot!  Once we’re on the ballot, you’ll be able to vote for us against all of the other Comedy Night groups.  Show us how much you LOVE US.  VOTE NOW.  VOTE OFTEN!!!

While priding themselves on being a family friendly improv troupe, this weekend the Bit Players deviated from their respectability pledge, scoring high on the wicked meter.  Although the show is driven by the audience suggestions, the Bit Players went willingly aboard the naughty train and never looked back.

And so my dear reader, if you are easily offended, stop reading, or if you are of a tender age you might need your parents’ permission to read further…  Oh, fuck it!  Yeah, right!  Like me giving you any disclaimer is going to prevent you from reading what you already can see on primetime TV.. 

So on with the shows:

Performing for your improv pleasure on Friday night were Vlad Tenenbaum, Frank Fusaro, Jim Foley, Neal Leaheey, Tim Bric, and Jessica Bradley, and joining them with their musical stylings were Chase Ceglie and Devon Mello.

Frank, Tim, and Jim in "Good Cop / Bad Cop"

In the bit “Good Cop/ Bad Cop” Tim found himself in the hot seat as the perpetrator of the crime, supplied by the audience, of killing Edgar Allen Poe, with a Magic Eight-ball in Margheritaville.  It was our cops’, Frank and Jim, whose job it was to get Tim to confess to this most dastardly of deeds by providing little hints along the way.  With this trio of pop-culture aficionados on the stage, it was hard to keep up with the rapid fire stream of references.

Neal, Jessica, Frak, and Jim in "Irish Drinking Song"

“Irish Drinking Song” was up next on the set list.  Played by Jim, Neal, Frank and Jessica, this musical limerick about Sarah the Elementary school teacher found Sarah writing a Blog about her teaching abilities.  But somehow the lure of more money on the internet brought Sarah to the tawdry exploits of sitting in front of a camera wearing only fishnet stockings.  (Hey, it’s someone’s fantasy… )

Jim, Tim, Frank and Jessica perform "Director"

“Director” was up next with Frank as the director, and Jim, Jessica, and Tim supplying the acting talent.  In this scene, when the director didn’t like what he is seeing, he tried to guide his little group of thespians toward a scene worthy of opening on stage. In the play entitled “Rocking Dinosaurs”, Frank subjected Jessica to being more like Kim Kardashian, and even David Hasslehoff, while Tim was forced into Ray Lewis and Samuel L Jackson personas.  Jim was lucky(?) enough to draw Mani T’eo and John Stamos, and then was given the trifecta of finishing the entire scene by himself as Cookie Monster, Keanu Reeves, and Nicholas Cage.

Jim and Jessica in "Shakespeare Alphabet"

Neal, Jessica, and Jim took on “Shakespeare Alphabet”.  In this old world tale, the audience provided the suggestion of shoemaker.  Neal, wanting only to please his Lady Jessica, provided her with the most beautiful of footwear.  But Lady Jessica harbored a bit of diva, and wanted not only to attract to her love, Sir Galahad, with her dainty slippers, she wanted her knight in shining armor to literally and proverbially to kiss her feet.

Jim and Tim in "That Sounds Lie A Song"

In the second set, Jim, Tim, and Neal were cast for “That Sounds Like A Song”. In this musically inspired scene about Camp Counselors Neal and Jim are wary to allow Tim to be on their kickball team.  The twist in this game was that the host, Vlad, at any time, could freeze the scene, and direct the actors to continue their dialog in song.  In Neal’s ballad of “He Can’t Be Too Bad” Neal admits his reservations to letting a loser like Tim be on the team.  Tim’s rap, “Give Me A Strike” countered Neal, showing that Tim might just be that diamond in the rough.  Counselor Jim confirmed Tim’s spot on the kickball team in his pop song “I Know That You Can Do This”…  (and people wonder why camp counselors are creepy?)

Jessica and The Bit Players "Serenade" Lauren

Scouring the audience for celebrants, the Bit Players found financial analyst/program manager, Lauren, celebrating her ½ birthday with her boyfriend, Sean and her Big Ole Badass Cat Wrestler, brother Brian.  Lauren was called to the stage and was “Serenaded” by the Bit Players for her very un-birthday.

Saturday’s shows, by contrast, were fast and furious, with a whole boatload of inappropriateness.  Frank took over the hosting duties, and he and Vlad were joined by Dylan Eberle, Matt Lindman, Stephanie Conrad, and Lobo Linhares.

The Bit Players perform "Story, Story, Die!"

Starting the 8:00pm show off with a bang (screw, pork, thrust or any other euphemism for sex), the Bit Players performed “Story, Story Die!”  In this bit, the players told a continued story, each adding on where the other left off.  Vlad who directed the bit could “kill off” any player who he didn’t like.  Amazingly, in the telling of this story about “Beverly and her adventures in Las Vegas”, no Bits were harmed.  And Beverly, the heroine of the story, triumphantly exclaims to the villainess, Stephanie, “I got you now, bitch!”

In Saturday’s rendition of “Irish Drinking Song” about Lizzy the Vampire Slayer, Frank Dylan, Matt, and Lobo concocted a wild story.  In the musical story, Lizzy eventually concedes and asks the Wolf for help to defeat the vampires.  The wolf makes the pact, but only if Lizzy agrees to do it with him, doggy style. (Yes, they went there!)

Vlad performs in "Good Morning"

Vlad attempted to bring calm to the stage with his mime piece, “Good Morning”.  In this bit Vlad takes suggestions of items commonly used during one’s morning routine. Vlad (accompanied by Frank’s sound effects) then takes the items and creates a world in which he not only interacts with the items, the items also interact with Vlad.

“Doo Wop” was added to the Saturday’s set list.  In this bit, the players sing about their love for an audience suggested item.   The first of the night’s birthday celebrants, John was asked what object that he wanted most for his birthday.  John, pretending to be a modest man, said that he wanted only peace and tranquility.  Well, News Flash, John!  Wake up and smell reality.  The Bit Players asked YOU for an OBJECT!  Finally, prying “New Car” from John’s limited knowledge of nouns in the English language, The Bit Players, with solos from Matt, Stephanie, Frank, and Dylan sang about a new car, that was eventually replaced with the Space Shuttle Endeavor.

Frank and Dylan in "Revolver"

“Revolver” was up next.  Directed by Vlad, the players, Frank, Dylan, Lobo, and Matt performed four separate scenes with each other, partnering in a square.  When Vlad got tired of the scene, he directed the players, rotating to the right or left.  Frank admittedly went to the land of inappropriateness with his play on the words; assiduous, deciduous, and conspicuous (Con-SPIC-U-ASS).  Yup, THAT really happened!

Stephanie, Frank, and Dylan in "Bartender"

In the second set of Saturday’s 8:00pm show, “Bartender” was on the docket.  Frank and Stephanie took the reins behind the bar, doling out musical advice to their patrons.  The patrons, Matt and Dylan were given problems, supplied by the audience, to which they shared with their bartenders in their own musical styling.  Matt given Nuclear Waste, intoned about having gone to Taco Bell and now has toxic waste coming out of his butt.  Stephanie provided some practical advice to just take some Immodium AD and his problem of pooping would be solved.  Dylan, well liked by the ladies in the back of the theater (more on them later), was given the problem of suffering from menopause.  From Dylan’s husky cougar voice ranting about opening a window because of his latest bout with hot flashes, to caressing his tender nipples and hitting on Frank, the audience could not stop laughing at Dylan’s antics.

Audience members, Stephanie and Jamie help
Frank and Dylan in "Tap the Audeince"

Another Birthday Girl, Stephanie, celebrating with her boyfriend Jamie, were called up to the stage to help out Dylan and Frank in “Tap the Audience”.  In this bit, when Dylan and Frank ran out of words to say, they tapped their audience member to fill in the blanks for them.  You might not want to travel by rail after witnessing this scene about train conductors.  Click here to watch the video -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKF9h0q9F9Q&feature=youtu.be

The Bit Players "Serenade" Ann for her 50th Birthday

This brings us to Ann, our 50 year old CAT scan technologist, proudly donning her bright pink “Birthday Bitch” sash, celebrating her day with The Bit Players.  Yes the cougar party in the rear of the theater were on the prowl, and their leader Ann was called to the stage to not only be “Serenaded” by the players, she was also given a very special birthday movie shown on the Firehouse Theater’s BIG screen, arranged in advance by Ann’s fellow cougarettes.  (The Energizer Bunny must have been busy for these ladies on Saturday night!)

The Bit Players perform "Jeopardy"

Since the evening antics were flying by at breakneck speed, The Bit Players added in an old favorite bit, “Jeopardy”.  In this bit, unlike in the hit game show of the same name,  the players are the contestants and the audience is the board.  On this night we got to delve into the dark seedy underbelly of our players psyches.  From Dylan’s response to Woman’s Suffrage as something he petitioned to end, to Stephanie’s admission of being arrested for potato battery.  But the proverbial cherry on the whipped topping of off-color jokes was Lobo’s response, in the form of a question, to Aspergers; “What goes great with Cock Fries”.  ( Come on, use that little brain of yours.  You’ll get it… (ASS-BURGERS)… Ahhhh, now the light bulb came on didn’t it?)

The Bit Players ended Saturday’s 8:00pm show with a “Blues Song” entitled The Kardashian Blues.  Vlad surprised everyone with his very appropriate rhyme with his being a comedian to their being Armenian.  And he says English is his second language…  (Not too shabby, Vladdy!)

So we move on to late night with The Bit Players.  The 10:00pm show.  Yes, The Players give their fans what they want.  The Bit Players stayed to perform to those who did not have the foresight to call early enough to get on the 8:00pm reservation list before it was sold out…  (Dumb Asses)

The third time is always a charm (maybe even as in lucky charms – for one audience member anyway) as the Bit Players once more performed “Irish Drinking Song”  In this version, Andrew, a novel writer for young adults was given a  special gift of seeing his life played out as a musical ditty by Stephanie, Frank, Dylan, and Matt.  It might not have been what Andrew expected with book burnings and other unsavory escapades, but Andrew may have been given the title of the sequel for his next book, or at least the image on the jacket cover; “A Dick Taking A Piss”…  (Really… I’m not making this shit up.  But The Bit Players did though.)

The Bit Players in "Musical Fairytale"

“Musical Fairytale” was on tap in the late night show.  In this fairytale about Little red Riding Hood, the Bits tell their version of what happened.  And yeah, this is not your grandmother’s fairytale… Oh NO!  In this version the wolf is actually Taylor Lautner who has resurrected his career, and Red Riding Hood is actually a middle-aged cougar who is chasing after the wolf.

Matt, Frank, and Stephanie in "That Sounds Like A Song"

“That Sounds Like A Song” was brought back in this encore show.  In this we see our actors, Matt, and Frank trying to raise a kid.  Matt musically laments that “Sometimes It Gets A Little Irritating” complaining about Frank’s lack of attention for the baby.  As Stephanie entered the scene as Clarissa the Nanny, Frank responded with his song,  “I’m Thinking About Banging Her”…  (Classy guy, ain’t he?)

The 10pm show ended with a “Hoe Down” about legalizing marijuana.  (What other trailer park notion would be more fitting, right?)

Special Announcment!!! Valentine’s Day Special Package: Food & Funnies

The Bit Players, RI’s most award-winning comedy troupe, are partnering with local restaurants to create a “dinner & show” package for couples on Valentine’s Day that will fill bellies with delicious food and hearts with plenty of hilarious improv comedy.

 The Bit Players, named “Comedy Troupe of the Year” by Motif Magazine and “Best Comedy Night” by The Providence Phoenix, perform to sellout crowds all year long. This Valentine’s Day, Thursday, February 14 they will be hosting a special, one-night-only performance at 8:00PM. This performance will be held at the Firehouse Theater, home of The Bit Players. Tickets are $20 each but guests who wish to combine this show with dinner at one of the participating restaurants will get a special package rate on their tickets of $25 for two. The participating restaurants include Salvation Café and Yesterday’s, both located in close walking distance from the Firehouse Theater. At these well-known and highly regarded eating establishments guests will pay a flat rate and will order off of a special menu predetermined by the individual restaurants. The Firehouse also offers soft drinks, water, tea, and hot chocolate included with the price of admission and guests are always welcome to bring their own beverages as well.

The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840.  Please call the box office for reservations and information about all of the shows   401-849-FIRE (3473)  And it is always BYOB!