Peter Ustinov once said, “The sound of laughter has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the universe.” Weigh that against Woody Allen’s quote on laughter, “I am thankful for laughter, except when milks comes out of my nose”, and we can reason that Woody Allen must be a highly civilized individual. With that logic in place, it can be argued that the Bit Players are the most cultured, polished, and refined human beings in the universe, (or at least in Newport). And since you chose to be entertained by them, then you too are part of this sophisticated set. Can everyone raise their pinky finger now, please? *spoken with an upturned nose with a slight nasal quality*… Indubitably .
And you, our elite guests, were privy to a whirlwind show on Friday, flying though a record nineteen “bits” hosted by Vlad Tenenbaum.
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| Sarah, Stephanie, and Matt perform "Slideshow" Hosted by Frank |
Our jet set crowd was taken on a tour of Germany, through Frank Fusaro’s “Slide Show” where we met a Henry Winkler impersonator and saw a statue in tribute to David Hasselhoff. We also got a glimpse into German culture where we learned that women in law enforcement in Germany cannot shoot other females. (Perhaps that explains why Heidi Klum is still alive???? Just this author’s observation).
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| Frank, Brittany, and Matt in "Doo Run Song" |
Amanda from Connecticut and Northeastern University student was the object of a “ Doo Run Song” performed by Frank, Matt Lindman, and Brittany Hunt. Evidently, Amanda has a pretty fine “Hall Pass” as described by Matt.
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| Vlad and Matt in "LCD" |
In “LCD” (Location, Career, Death) we witnessed a wonderful bit of mime performed by the incomparable Vlad. In this bit we saw Vlad use his body to relay the audience supplied information to Matt where the location was a Tall Ship, the occupation was an Undertaker, and the object was a mirror with which Matt used to kill Vlad.
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| The Bit Players in "Love Song" |
We slowed things up a scosche, with “Love Song” where the entire Bit Player cast sang a song professing their love for George Clooney. We learned because of George’s great chin not only did Frank want to be one of his Descendants and that Frank would do George, we also learned that perhaps Ellen may become straight for George. (Who knew?) Watch the clip here ->
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| Vlad and Matt in "Stunt Doubles" |
In the second set we were provided a bit of culture and panache as our ballerina actors Brittany and Sarah Shepherd took us through the rigors of dance training and Matt and Vlad performed as their “Stunt Doubles” in a hilarious scene.
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| Vlad, Matt, and Frank perform "Epic Poem" |
A very fervent audience member, Charles and his acting aspiration were the topics of a poem undertaken in “Epic Poem” proportions by Vlad, Frank, and Matt, in “The Day Charles Performed”. In this grand prose we saw Charles performing Shakespeare, without fear, perhaps making other men queer. In keeping with the sonnet’s theme, our lead character then unzipped his pants and exclaimed, “Look upon this, if thou canst, for this is my holy lance!”
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| "Brittany, Stephanie, and Sarah as Bachelorettes with Matt as the Dater and Frank hosting in "The dating Game" |
“Dating Game” saw our trio of lovely ladies, Brittany, Sarah, and Stephanie Conrad as eligible bachelorettes with unique baggage assigned to them by the audience, with Sarah being obsessed with “Where’s Waldo?”, Stephanie who thought she was “Cinderella”, and Brittany who had a penis for a nose. Our dater, Matt had the luxury of selecting one of these fine felines. Whom he would choose as his love match? In the end..., his searching over, he found Sarah.
The nineteenth, and final bit of the night was “Blues Song” fittingly about engagements during these months of summer love. (Hopefully everyone will remember to sign a “prenup”).
Saturday’s scorching heat (or the imbibing that was done to quench the thirst) was perhaps the impetus behind all civility experienced the previous night, being thrown out the window. Or was it perhaps because it was Lobo’s inaugural show? Well, who knows… But the energy in the room a bit more urbane (to say the least).
Frank, hosting the night’s show, added to tempestuousness of the crowd by prompting them to say, when cued “It’s not all about you, Katie!” for a bachelorette party who was due to arrive late to the show.
In “Genres” performed by Clayon McFarlane and Matt, and joined by John Mulligan we were subject to a whole gamut of stereotypes from digging ditches in the south to the sexual innuendos at Jersey Shore.
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| Vlad performs "Good Morning" |
Vlad tried to bring things back to a more well-mannered show, in a “Good Morning” mime piece, but the crowd had other ideas with their suggestions , providing him with alarm clock, birth control, make-up, I Phone, and dildo. When Vlad “became” the latter, the audience erupted with laughter and applause.
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| John, Lobo, frank, and Matt in "Irish Drinking Song" |
Tim “Lobo” Linhares jumped in with both feet in “Irish Drinking Song” accompanied by fellow Bits, John, Frank and Matt. In this song about Earl the pool boy, we saw our character taking on a new business venture as a male gigolo, but his only client ended up being John Travolta.
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| Vlad and Frank as "Bartenders" and John as the patron |
In “Bartender”… All I can say is that John went to CRAZYTOWN and the crowd went along for the ride! With his audience suggested problem of his phone shrinking his brain, John became Zoey Deschanel from, “Elf” and currently, “New Girl”. Click here to view the video clip ->
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| Vlad and John in "Stunt Doubles" |
John’s antics did not subside in the second half of the show as he took on “Stunt Doubles” with Vlad, and with Clayon and Matt as Gladiator actors, Artemis and Maximus. In a moment of either utter genius or complete insanity, when the stunt doubles filled in for the actors who have been moistened with water, John bared his chest and proceeded to mop Vlad’s face with his shirt, to the incredulity (horror??) of the audience.
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| Bachelorette, Katie is "Serenaded" by Matt |
Bachelorette, Katie was again recognized and called to the stage for a “Serenade” performed by the whole cast. Katie who is to be wed to Ian, a tennis court installer, met her beau, as a young lass during Irish Step Dancing classes and later reconnected with him in a bar. This was all fodder and fun for the Bits as they good naturedly teased the bride-to-be and her all-girl clan in the back of the theater.
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| John and Frank as actors with Vlad and Lobo as their "Helping Hands" |
John and Frank teamed up in a scene about a tailor and a rich man (Mr. Belvadeer) in “Helping Hands” assisted by Lobo and Vlad acting as their “hands”. After donning a pair of pearl glasses Mr. Belvadeer was heard to say “The world looks poorer.” Mr. Belvadeer also provided his tailor with advice to. “Just fake it.” But later rescinded his advice, telling his tailor “When you fake it, you just look stupid!”
Steve and Lauren, a couple celebrating their 1st year wedding anniversary, who met via a Jewish Dating Service, and were both consultants, were delighted (perhaps not so much…after the Bits got done with them) by being the topic of a “Doo Run Song” performed by Clayon, Frank, and Matt.
A surprised audience member, Eric, got to live out his secret dream through an “Epic Poem” narrated by Vlad, Lobo, and John, in “The Day Eric Golfed”.
The night of lunacy ended with “Blues Song” about the Olympic Games. John declined all good will and sportsmanship as he proclaimed that he would walk into the heart of Mordor and steal all five rings. Clayon was ambitious in his claim that he wanted, “… only gold, goddammit! Won’t settle for bronze or silver, you can have it!” Matt was performing solo, in games of his own creation, with Olympic masturbation. But Frank was a true fan of watching women’s beach volleyball.
And … as an appropriate measure of Saturday night, at the conclusion of the show, a “fart noise” was heard over the din. So, dear reader… what is your affiliation? Civilized or uncouth? Pick your poison. Good times can be had by all at a Bit Player show! But be forewarned!
The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840. Please call the box office for reservations 401-849-FIRE (3473) And as always, it is BYOB!
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