In the immortal words of the legendary Meatloaf, “On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?” And so it was that unbeknownst to the audience, like baby lambs being hunted by the hungry, circling wolves, The Bit Players lulled the crowd into a false sense of security and then pounced, taking them by surprise. Ahhh… but the gathering herds on Friday and Saturday did take pleasure in that pain, going willingly to the slaughter!
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| The Bit Players in "Story, Story, Die!" |
Beginning Friday night with “Story, Story, Die” the blood of those Bits who didn’t entertain us, one by one, was spilled by Vlad Tenenbaum, as we listened to the story about Tony with his scissors at the car wash. We learned that Tony’s priest pronounced Tony as unclean as his rusty scissors. With an iron fist, that priest vowed to cleanse Tony of his sins. But it wasn’t the disposition of his immortal soul that Tony feared, it was that he was desperately seeking a receipt for the car wash, lest his priest force him to pay taxes! And it was Bit Player newbie, Sarah Shepherd (last name - another unintentional sheep reference?? ) who displayed her prowess at storytelling, keeping up with Matt Lindman, line for line!
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| Matt, John, and Jim in "Doo Run" |
Amusingly, there was a TONY in the audience. Sweet and funny Tony, as described by his kind and pretty girlfriend, Connie were the subject of a “Doo Run Song” sung by Matt , John Mulligan, and Jim Foley.
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| Stephanie, Neal, and Vlad in "Lat to Work" |
In “Late to Work” we saw chronically late, Stephanie Conrad offering up an excuse to her irritated boss, Neal Leaheey for her latest bout of tardiness. Her excuse was provided to her though mime, by Vlad Tenenbaum. The excuses suggested by the audience were that Stephanie had run out of gas. When Stephanie got out of her car she kicked and knocked over Big Foot. Not fearing this creature but instead feeling sorry for him, Stephanie’s heart was captured and she fell in love with Big Foot. The two crazy love birds got engaged and went to Vegas for their nuptials. But because Stephanie is such a dedicated employee, she and her hairy groom jumped on the next magic carpet out of Vegas and flew back to her place her business.
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| Neal, Matt, and Jim in "Epic Poem" |
Young Dan, leaving for West Point, to become an Army officer, was rewarded in “Epic Poem” style as Neal, Matt, and Jim gave Dan a glimpse into his life as a national wresting champion.
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| Jim's response to Matt in "Bartender" |
The first set ended with the Bit Players going for the audience’s jugular in “Bartender”. With Matt’s suggested problem of being born at the North Pole, the rebellious Matt conveyed to the crowd his dislike of his “family’s business” wanting to be a dentist instead of a carpenter. But the painful pleasure was not over as Jim continued the frolicking madness of North Pole life in his retort to Matt, bringing the song to a fitting end, with a chorus of “The Island of Misfit Toys”.
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| Neal, Matt, Jim and John perform "Irish Drinking Song" |
The second set of Friday was equally inimitable. Two newly engaged lambs, uhh…. I mean audience members , substitute teacher, Sarah, and Greg currently serving in the Army were sacrificed to the Celtic gods in “Irish Drinking Song” performed by Neal, Matt, Jim, and John.
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| Matt and Jim in "Sounds Like A Song" |
Matt and Jim saved us all from impending death in a self-destructing space ship by successfully completing the Rubix Cube sequence in “Sounds Like A Song”. Ceres, the ship’s computer perversely announced that the crisis had been “aborted”, only to be corrected by our hero Jim, who admonished Ceres, schooling her in linguistics and the difference between the words aborted and averted.
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| The Bit Players perform "Musical Fairy Tale" |
Friday night ended the only way it could end with a “Musical Fairy Tale” about Beauty and the Beast. In this tale we found out that the Beast was truly a beast as Belle learned that he had a penchant for young boys named Chip. But our innocent Belle, turned the tables and left Beast for the candlestick, Lumiere.
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| Brittany and Frank remain in "Story, Story, Die!" |
Saturday night found us all on slippery, and sometimes thin ice with all of the figure skating references, beginning with “Story, Story, Die” and Kyra’s figure skating championship.
Anna Smith, Brittany Hunt, and Dylan Eberle entertained two young men in the audience with a “Doo Run Song”. The subject of the song, Isaac, was described as vengeful, but with a golden heart by his friend from elementary school , Paddy. Isaac depicted his friend Paddy as being both awesome and also “falafel ?” perhaps because Isaac plans on eating his friend after the show???
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| Dylan, Tim, and Frank in "Good Cop / Bad Cop" |
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| "I Love You" performed by the Bit Players |
Civil War references were in abundance this night in “I Love You”, a song proclaiming the Bit Players love for Abraham Lincoln. Appropriately, on this weekend of beasties with fangs, and creatures lurking in the night, there were references not only to our most famous president, his characteristic stove top hat, and his stance on emancipation, but the song also paid omage to Lincoln: The Vampire Hunter.
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| The Bit Players in "Genres" |
The show went from bizarre to really bizarre in “Genres” as Bit Player newcomer, Clayon McFarlane jumped into the ring with fellow Bit, Brittany in a scene starting on Mt Olympus. With the changes in genres and the rest of the cast joining in the fray, things went homoerotic as the scene moved into “Top Gun”. Clothes started being ripped off as Frank and Dylan portrayed Goose / Maverick vs. Iceman / Slider in the infamous Top Gun volley ball scene. Click the link to see the wackiness that ensued: --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yUZdFCTkEw&feature=plcp
An “Epic Poem” entitled “The Day Louise Skated” was performed by Anna, Frank and Dylan for audience member Louise . The poem, all about Louise’s secret desire to become an ice skater, gave Louise a taste of a life that could have been.
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| "Serenade" for Paige performed by The Bit Players |
In the second set, Paige, a High School student attending Middletown South HS in New Jersey was “Serenaded” by the Bits. Paige was visiting Rhode Island and looking at URI as a prospective student. Frank cautioned Paige that if selecting URI as a school, that when she looked at him, she was seeing her future as an alumnus of URI.
Clayon, Brittany, and Tim starred in “Moondoggie” hosted by Matt. In this episode, our expert, Richer- Ra informed us on the dietary needs of Cerberus, the three-headed guard dog of hell. We learned that Cereberus eats anything he wants and he was fathered by Primo, a three-headed kitten.
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| The Bits Players in "Dating Game" |
A crowd favorite, “The Dating Game” hosted by Frank, and with dater Brittany, (who may have been looking for love in all the wrong places), had to choose between the eligible bachelors, Tim, Anna, and Dylan. Each of our bachelors had a “Unique Quality” about each of them, which was provided by the audience. Tim was blessed with having four arms, Anna was a serial killer, and Dylan was reliving Woodstock. In the end, Brittany chose love with hippie freak, and hopped up on purple-murple, Dylan.
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| Audience members Paige and Amy with Bit Players, Anna and Frank in "Tap The Audience" |
A mutton… I mean… a glutton for punishment, Paige came back to the stage joined by fellow audience member Amy in a bit performed by Frank and Anna called “Tap the Audience”. During this week in Newport, we fittingly set sail in the scene and navigate through the disturbing waters of Frank and Anna’s father/ daughter relationship
And so my fine friends, as the full moon rises over Newport on this sultry night, be careful to stay out of the shadows, and listen closely to the creatures that lurk somewhere in a darkened theatre. They will be eagerly waiting your return… But remember… bring along a friend. Mmmmmwwwwaaaaahhhhaaaaaaaaa…..
The Bit Players perform improv comedy every Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm at the Firehouse Theatre, 4 Equality Park Place (off Broadway), Newport, RI 02840. Please call the box office for reservations. 401-849-FIRE (3473) And as always, it is BYOB!
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